


the seven stages

by kyomohokus



Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Confessions, Getting Together, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28710723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyomohokus/pseuds/kyomohokus
Summary: Every relationship has its stages.But where and how each stage develops is entirely up to each person. And while there are happily ever afters, there is also the inevitable.Alternately, how Jesse Lewis and Kouchi Yugo go through seven stages--from strangers to friends to lovers, and back to strangers, again.
Relationships: Kouchi Yugo/Jesse Lewis, side!Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto
Comments: 18
Kudos: 36





	1. Stage 1: Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> So, hello. I was supposed to post a happy Kouchesse/YugoJe fic, but personal things happened and I decided to go with an angsty one.
> 
> This is inspired by a video called _Strangers, again_ by Wong Fu Productions.

“Look, I don’t even see the point of going there.”

“So, you think I’m stupid?”

“Yugo … you know I don’t think that.”

“Of course, you do. You always hate it when I’m dragging you to a thing with my co-workers, but you always have a problem when I’m the one who declines when you’re dragging me along to one of your friends’ things.”

“Because all they talk about is adult stuff.”

“And all you guys do is talk about immature stuff.”

“So, you think I’m immature?”

Kouchi raises his hands in disbelief. “As if it isn’t obvious?”

“Oh my god.” Jesse puts his hands in his face, a headache slowly throbbing. “This isn’t even about us—this is about your co-worker’s lame potluck party that you don’t even have to go to because you don’t even like her!”

“That’s because it _is_ about us, Jesse.” It’s obvious that Kouchi’s blood is boiling, too. “It’s about you understanding that this is important to me.” He rolls his eyes and brushes past Jesse, crouching down to grab the backpack that’s on the floor.

Jesse draws a blank. “Hanging out with a co-worker you don’t like and playing board games with them is important to you?” he asks, making sure everything is clear to him. But it’s not.

Kouchi sighs when he’s midway down the stairs. “You know what? I can’t argue with you right now. Go stay at home if you want. I’m heading out.”

Jesse feels all the fight leave his body. He follows Kouchi down the stairs, careful not to bump into him. “Look, I’m sorry he brought it up,” he says. “Just pick whatever you wanna bring to the party, and I’ll go with the flow.”

Kouchi doesn’t talk until he’s put on his shoes in the entranceway. He looks at Jesse, disappointment in his eyes. “No, Jesse,” he says flatly. “Every time I pick, you always use it against me. You’re going to come back someday and tell me that I always tell you what to do. Not anymore.”

Jesse is about to reply, even if he’s not sure what he’s supposed to say when Kouchi slams the door in his face.

He lets out the heaviest sigh he could muster and passes by the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. The cool liquid in his throat helps him calm down, but only somewhat. The photos in the fridge aren’t helping. Beside pictures of his former roommates—Taiga and Juri—are photos of him and Kouchi. Kouchi’s graduation two years ago, their latest camping trip from six months ago, some birthday party of some common friend.

The times when they’re not fighting.

How could it have come to this, he wonders. Two years ago, he saw Kouchi Yugo as sunshine personified in his life, but now …

It wasn’t always like this, he thinks as he tries to remember the day they met.

****

He’s late. Very, very late.

Which is why he’s running past the campus gate to get to his classroom. He curses the Registrar’s Office for assigning him to a class at nine in the morning, then at Taiga for living twenty minutes away from campus.

But anyway, there’s nothing he could do was run and hope that the professor would come in after him.

His vision was so focused on the gravel path before him that he didn’t notice someone passing by. By the time he did, it was too late. He collides with the man carrying a stack of papers, and the collision was so strong that it knocks him to the ground. Jesse sees stars in his eyes until a piece of paper covers his eyes.

“I am so sorry!” the man exclaims. “I wasn’t watching where I was going!”

“You and me both.” Jesse removes the paper from his face and sits up to face properly the man he had collided with.

And, well.

Jesse appreciates an attractive face when he sees one. The man before him is, by no means, conventionally good-looking, but something about him draws Jesse in. Maybe it’s because of his fluffy black hair? Or those lips forming a pout?

“Um …” the man speaks. “Are you okay?”

Jesse blinks, returning to reality. “Huh? Oh, yeah. Just fine. Just caught off guard, that’s all.” He laughs nervously, one of those loud, annoying laughs of his that is usually a trademark. Now, Jesse just wants to bury himself alive somewhere.

At least the man has the decency to smile politely as he crouches down to pick up the papers strewn all over the area. Feeling bad, Jesse sets down his bag on the ground and crouches down to pick up the other papers—flyers, apparently.

“Oh, no, it’s okay. I can manage.”

“Nah, it’s my fault. Let me help you.”

With their combined efforts, the flyers are back in the arms of the man. “Thanks,” the man says, his eyes disappearing in crinkles. _Cute._

“Well, uh, it’s no problem.” He takes a flyer and scans the headline. “So … Outdoor Club?”

The man’s face brightens. “Yeah, it’s club recruitment week, and we’re supposed to give those away to people passing by.” He shrugs. “You can keep that. And if you’re interested, my number’s below. Anyway, thanks so much for helping. You looked like you were in a hurry.”

 _Huh? He was?_ Jesse tries to remember why he was in a rush in the first place, and—

“Oh, shit, I’m late!” he exclaims, grabbing his bag and bursting into a dash without saying goodbye.

So his day didn’t start that well. The professor glared at him when he entered the lecture hall, and he missed thirty minutes of class.

Just as he pulls out his notebook, he sees the crumpled flyer sticking out. A smile crosses his lips as he scans the bottom text and finds a number—and a name.

 _Kouchi Yugo_.

One of the perks of hanging out with seniors is that he has connections. And if the cute guy he collided with is a senior—at least, that’s his hunch—then what better way to find out about him than by asking someone who’s in the same year?

“Kouchi Yugo?” Taiga asks from where he’s lounging on the living room couch. On the nearby sofa chair, Juri is watching a baseball match on television. Taiga shrugs. “Never heard of him. Juri?”

Juri shakes his head. “Jesse, you do know that the campus is huge. Your eye candy could come from a different department or something.”

Jesse groans, thrashing his legs like a petulant child. “Then how am I supposed to learn something about him?”

“You said he was from the Outdoor Club, right?” Taiga points out, eyes still glued to his phone. “Maybe you should, I don’t know, start there?”

Realization dawns on Jesse’s face. Another advantage of rooming with seniors is that they tend to be smarter than him. “Okay, I’ll do that! Thanks!” He stands up and rushes upstairs to his bedroom.

The flyer is stuck to his corkboard, Kouchi Yugo’s name and number circled with a red pen. With shaking fingers, he types the number on the recipient area then types and deletes a couple of phrases before sending a message he’s satisfied with.

_“Hi! I was the one who accidentally knocked into you this morning? :D I wanna join your club!”_

The thing about Jesse is that he’s not much of an outdoors person. The most outdoorsy thing he had gone was a walk in the park.

But the Outdoors Club is more than that. A quick read of the flyer tells him that they hold weekly camping and hiking trips. Not to worry for first-timers, though. They have an orientation and a trial weekend, and the new member can see for themselves how things work and if they’re still interested in pursuing membership.

First-timers also have a senior buddy who will teach them some survival basics and to check in on them.

And it just so happens, during orientation day, he was introduced to his senior buddy. And a very familiar one at that.

His heart leaps when Kouchi’s face brightens in recognition. “Hey,” he says, his smile wide. “You came.”

Jesse’s face turns red. He holds out his hand. “Jesse.”

“Kouchi.” His hand is calloused but nevertheless warm, and Jesse wonders what it would be like to hold it for longer.


	2. Stage 2: The Chase

“What the fuck?”

Jesse looks up from his phone. Taiga has padded down the stairs, his eyes still droopy and his hair disheveled. There are red marks on his neck, which could only mean one thing—he had brought someone home. _Again._

“I could say the same to you,” Jesse points out with a shrug. “What are you doing up so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Taiga pads toward the fridge, opening it and taking out a pack of instant coffee. “And he left early.”

_He_ , meaning Taiga most likely doesn’t know the name of the guy he slept with last night. Like everyone else he brings home from a party. But he’s living in Taiga’s house, and Taiga doesn’t introduce them to any of the guys, anyway, so he doesn’t pry.

“Anyway, what are you doing dressed up so early? It’s five in the morning.”

“I’m going on a camping trip.”

“Oh, right.” Taiga nods, his lips tugging up. “You’re so whipped for your crush you ended up joining his club.”

Jesse is not going to deny that because it was the truth. But it’s been a month since he joined, and he has to admit that he enjoyed being part of the club, Kouchi notwithstanding.

Sure, the hiking and camping trips aren’t always glamorous. Jesse still sucks at pitching a tent, but he enjoys venturing for firewood and mushrooms. Plus, the view from atop a mountain or the stars at night are all worth the blood, sweat, and tears that came with coming there.

Plus, he has made an amazing group of friends, composed of people from different years. He’s closest to this freshman named Shin, his constant companion when looking for firewood.

And then there’s also Kouchi.

“Oh boy, he has that lovesick look on his face. I’m out.” Taiga turns around and makes his way back to the stairs, a steaming mug of coffee in hand. “Have fun on your camping trip.”

_Right. Camping trip._ He stands up and grabs his bag, heading out of the house with a skip in his step.

One of his favorite parts of camping and hiking trips are the evenings. The air is cool, the stars are brilliant above them, and they’re gathered around the campfire, having dinner and chatting about everything and nothing. Sometimes the occasion calls for beer (which Jesse won’t enjoy, unfortunately, until he comes of age in June), but Jesse actually enjoys their sober conversations, too.

Even if it’s a more sober round of Never Have I Ever.

“What do you mean, you’ve never been kissed yet, senpai?” Shintaro exclaims.

Kouchi’s face goes into a deep shade of red. “I haven’t even had a boyfriend yet,” he scoffs. “Like, I never really cared during high school.”

“How about now?” his fellow senior, Mukai Koji, says with a cheeky grin as he pokes Kouchi’s cheek.

“Shut up, Koji, I already told you many times.” Kouchi laughs.

Eventually they decide to call it a night. After an extensive game of rock-paper-scissors, Jesse and Kouchi become in charge of cleaning up while the rest retreat to their tents. Not that Jesse minds because he gets to spend more time with Kouchi.

“Senpai,” he calls Kouchi’s attention as he picks up one of the foils they used to grill fish.

“Hmm?”

“Just curious.” Even though he has his back turned against Kouchi, he can’t help but blush. “But now, have you ever considered having a relationship?” Kouchi doesn’t answer right away, which made him add. “You don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable!”

Kouchi chuckles. “It’s okay,” he says. “Yeah, I do. It’s just …”

He turns around to find Kouchi staring up into the sky. When he stands next to him, his senior looks … sad? At least, that’s what it looks like.

“Well, I don’t know.” Kouchi shrugs. “No one bothered to give me a second look back in high school. I’m in my last year of university, and I still haven’t gotten a date. I’m bound to being alone forever, I guess.”

Kouchi laughs, but Jesse could tell there’s resignation in it. It breaks his heart.

“Well, we should get some sleep.” Kouchi pats his arm. “Just set the trash aside with the plastic bags. Thanks, Jesse.”

The crunch of boots bring Jesse back to reality. “Um, senpai?”

Kouchi stops in his tracks and turns to look at him.

“I think you’re not going to be alone forever. You’re kind and funny and caring. If someone doesn’t see that, then that’s their problem, not yours.”

His senior’s eyes widen, mouth opening slightly in surprise. Then, he smiles, and Jesse could have sworn that there’s a faint blush on Kouchi’s cheeks. “Thank you, Jesse,” he says.

He heads for his tent, leaving Jesse alone by the campfire, blood dancing and heart hammering loudly.

He doesn’t want to read into things, but things change after that. They have been spending a lot of time together—in the club room, during camping weekends. Not that he’s complaining.

“Maybe ask him out?” Juri suggests, setting a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table as they settle into their movie night. “On a legit date?”

Jesse gulps, drowning his hand in the bowl and fishing out a fistful of popcorn. “I don’t know …” he says slowly. “Wouldn’t it be too soon?”

“If he’s as kind as you say and he turns you down, I think he’ll be cool about it.” Juri glances at Taiga and rolls his eyes. “Don’t be like this guy.”

Jesse glances at Taiga, who is sitting on the couch and staring at his phone as if he’s willing it to come to life. Taiga’s eyebrows are drawn in an unusually tense expression as he glares at the innocuous gadget. “You okay there?” Jesse asks.

Taiga touches the space between his eyebrows, smoothing out the wrinkles with a sigh. “I shouldn’t be stressed about this.”

“By ‘this’, you mean …?”

Taiga gestures at his phone.

“Is your phone … broken?” Jesse guesses.

Taiga wails and falls backward to lie flat on the couch. “ _I’m_ broken!”

Jesse helplessly looks at Juri, who shrugs and starts the movie on Netflix.

Taiga curls up into a ball. “I’m waiting for a boy to text me back. _Me! Waiting_ for a boy. Unacceptable.”

Gently, Jesse prods Taiga with his foot, trying to be comforting. “Who’s this boy?”

“I met him at Nakajima’s party,” Taiga admits, sitting up and sighing. “You’d think I was drunk enough to forget about him, but noooo. Drunk Taiga gave him my number and now Sober Taiga is _broken_.”

“You text boys all the time,” Juri points out, eyes glued to the screen.

“Wrong!” Taiga points an accusatory finger at Juri. “Boys text me.”

It’s true. Jesse hadn’t gone to a lot of parties (and if he did, he’s forced to go home early because of curfew), but he’d seen how everyone just gravitates toward Taiga. He had once walked in on Taiga and some random guy making out in the party. But that was still underwhelming, according to Juri. Most nights, Juri goes home by himself. Other nights, Jesse and Juri would wake up to some random guy in the kitchen.

He supposes this is different, though—Taiga rarely thinks of the guys he slept with.

Taiga picks up his phone and shoves it under Jesse’s nose. “I texted him, like, _three hours ago_ and he hasn’t even read it yet! Like … what am I supposed to think?”

“He’s busy?” Jesse guesses, not surprised when Taiga scoffs.

“Too busy for this super cute boy who kissed him at a party and wants to talk to him?”

Jesse thinks he’s not going to say anything that will make Taiga feel any better, so he’s glad it was Juri who spoke up. “If he doesn’t want to text you, you can’t make him.”

Taiga frowns at his phone screen again. “I know,” he huffs. “But I still want him to text me.”

“You gave him your number. That means he texted you first, right?”

“Yeah.” Taiga taps his mouth gently with his phone. “He wanted to make sure I got home okay.”

“That’s something.”

Jesse scoots forward and hugs Taiga. “He’ll text you. Don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks,” Taiga says softly with a smile. “And I say go for asking your crush out.”

Maybe he will. Jesse resolves as much, but as for now, he squeezes in the remaining space next to Taiga as they watch a movie.

Jesse finally gathers enough courage when the end of May rolls along. Finals for the spring term is over, and the Outdoors Club decides to celebrate.

Koji’s parents have a cabin in the woods just a couple of hours away from Tokyo. It almost feels like camping, but at least they have a roof over their heads. Also, there’s a nearby lake, which is perfect for swimming.

They do their usual thing—exploring the woods, swimming in the lake, and winding down with dinner, drinks, and games. Jesse relaxes after weeks long of studying, looking forward to summer vacation even though it means he has Taiga’s house all to himself.

Midway into the night, Kouchi stands up, announcing he’ll get some fresh air. Jesse stands up and announces the same, following Kouchi to the balcony.

Kouchi looks at him and smiles, heading forward against the railing. “Finally vacation, huh?” he remarks.

Jesse grins, looking out into the view. “Yeah, three months of no school. Should be fun.”

Kouchi chuckles. “Any vacation plans?”

“Not much, actually. My roommates are visiting their families over the summer, but mine are living in the US, and I’m not really joining them. So I’ll most probably be stuck at home. Probably playing video games or something.”

“Three months of video games?” Kouchi asks, scandalized. “That’s not the best way to spend your vacation.”

“Got any ideas, senpai?”

He could have sworn there’s a light tinge of pink in Kouchi’s cheeks. “I’m actually not going anywhere for the summer either,” he admits. “Maybe you want to do something together?”

Jesse’s jaw drops. He had dreamed of this, but he didn’t expect it to be actually happening. And he imagined that he would be the one making the first move. He should definitely say yes, but only one word comes out of his mouth. “Uh …”

Kouchi’s face falls, obviously taking it the wrong way. “But if you want to spend the whole summer playing video games, that’s fine, too.”

“No, no, it’s cool with me!” Jesse says quickly, waving a hand to dismiss his previous answer. “Just got surprised, that’s all. Don’t you want to hang out with your friends? Or classmates?”

Stars reflect in Kouchi’s eyes, and it’s the most wonderful thing Jesse has ever seen. “I do,” he answers. “But maybe I want to hang out with you, too.”

“Hey, you two!” Noel yells from inside. “Come on in! We’re playing a game.”

Kouchi tilts his head to the direction of the door. “We should head back in.”

“Um … okay …”

Kouchi heads inside first, and Jesse follows, at least, once it had taken him a couple of seconds to do a mental, happy dance.

**Kouchi  
**I heard from someone it’s your birthday tomorrow.

**Jesse  
**It’s Shin, isn’t it?

**Kouchi  
**Yup. :P

Any plans?

**Jesse  
**Well, I’m alone at home, so I’m most likely celebrating my birthday by myself

**Kouchi  
**That’s not the best way to celebrate your coming of age.

What are the things you want to do when you turn 20?

**Jesse  
**Drink, definitely :P

Planning to treat me to my first drink as an adult, senpai? :P

**Kouchi  
**Maybe I want to

**Jesse  
**Ok then. Where?

**Kouchi  
**Meet me for dinner someplace then we can go to a bar.  
On me. :)

**Jesse**  
Sweet  
It’s a date?

**Kouchi  
**Definitely :)

“I look terrible.”

Jesse is standing in front of the mirror, frowning at whatever he’s wearing. He had been going through his closet for hours, trying to find the perfect outfit to wear for his date with Kouchi later. It didn’t help that he’s by himself—Juri’s in Chiba with his family and Taiga is gone to prepare for his departure to Kyoto over the weekend.

He tried sending photos to Shin, but all he gets are suggestive emojis, which doesn’t really help his case.

And it didn’t help either when he realizes that not only is this a _date_ , but it’s Kouchi’s _first date_. So he wants to make sure his senior at least has a good time, and that includes making sure he looks good.

By the time he had settled on something to wear—nothing too formal but nothing too casual either—he grabs his phone, checks the time, relieved that he’s not late. He grabs his bag and heads out the door.

Kouchi is sitting by the bench outside one of the department stores, fiddling with his phone. Jesse is all but relieved to see him wearing a plaid long-sleeved shirt and jeans. When Jesse calls his name, he looks up and smiles. Jesse’s heart flutters.

“Happy birthday,” Kouchi greets, standing up. “How does it feel to be an adult?”

“I barely feel like one,” Jesse chuckles, scratching the back of his head. “So, where to?”

It’s hard to believe that this is Kouchi’s actual first date because he’s the one who confidently leads the way while Jesse is a bundle of nerves. But he’s not complaining, not when he had daydreamed about this.

They find a nearby lottery stand where Jesse buys his first lottery ticket—a simple scratch card, nothing more. He loses, but Jesse enjoys the thrill of finally being able to buy one even if he isn’t going to do so in the future.

It’s still late afternoon, a little too early for them to be drinking, so Kouchi takes him to a café and buys him a slice of cake. “No birthday candles, though,” Kouchi says sheepishly.

“It’s alright,” Jesse says, grinning as his fork slices into the cake. He takes a bite and hums in appreciation. “I’m eating delicious cake and spending time with my favorite senpai on my birthday.”

His heart leaps when Kouchi smiles, his cheeks pink.

They’re early to the _izakaya_ , but that’s okay because by the time they were shown to their seats, a rush of customers follows them. At least they got a nice, private spot toward the end of their restaurant, giving them less interruption.

Jesse settles for beer for his first drink as an adult. “Gotta start slow,” he remarks with a grin.

Comfortable conversation settles after a few minutes into dinner. Nothing to deep—just something about their majors and their plans after graduation. Kouchi says he’s planning to teach in a nearby high school—he already got accepted and they’re just waiting for him to graduate. Jesse’s course is more on the computer sciences, so his safest path is the corporate world.

The silence is comfortable, too. Jesse is always the chatty one, filling the silence with random talk, but he realizes the silence isn’t so bad, either. It gives him the chance to observe Kouchi, how adorable he is when he randomly puffs out his cheeks, how he fiddles with his cup, clearly nervous about something.

“Jesse?” Kouchi speaks up after a while.

Jesse sets down his can of beer. “Yeah?”

“Did you mean it …?” Kouchi meets his eyes. “Did you mean it when you said I’m not going to be alone forever?”

It’s the first time they’re addressing that. Jesse didn’t even think Kouchi had thought about it afterward. But then again, he’d known Kouchi to be a deliberate, contemplative person. So, of course.

He gulps. “Yeah, I did.”

A small smile crosses Kouchi’s lips. “Well, thank you.”

“It’s … no problem?”

His senior chuckles. “I thought about it,” he says. “And you’re right. I can’t be alone forever. But I can’t just wait for someone, right?”

Jesse nods, not sure where this is going.

“I can’t just wait for someone to give me a second look. If I like someone, then it wouldn’t be so bad to take the first step.”

Jesse nods.

“So …” Kouchi takes a deep breath. “Tell me, Jesse. Would it be too early to ask if I’m gonna get a second date?”

_Holy shit._

Jesse’s heart is thundering loudly, he could have sworn it’s about to burst out of his chest. He had always thought of liking Kouchi, going on a date, but he hadn’t thought of it _this far_.

But of course, he only has one answer.

“Well …” Jesse says, voice in an embarrassingly high pitch that it causes Kouchi to chuckle. “I went on a date on my birthday, and I can conclude that it’s one of the best birthdays I ever had, so yeah.”

Kouchi’s smile widens, eyes disappearing into crinkles, and, _yeah,_ Jesse is having the best birthday ever.

Taiga is home when Jesse gets back. He has his headphones on, phone in hand, and he’s dancing in the living room. It’s a funny picture because it’s silent for Jesse, but Taiga is too involved to even notice he isn’t alone.

Soon, though, Taiga looks at him in the eye as soon as he puts his bag down. He rips off his headphones and stands up straight, chest heaving. “I have a crush,” he says, direct and small.

Jesse blinks at him. “Okay?” He pauses. “That Meguro guy?” 

Taiga makes a face. “I’m not going to date a freshman, no matter how cute he is.”

“You literally had sex with him?” Jesse laughs incredulously as he plops his bag down and sits down on the couch. His phone buzzes in his pocket, but he figures Taiga is worth his focus at the moment.

“I’ve had sex with a lot of people,” Taiga defends. “I would date literally … maybe two of them. And neither of those people are freshmen.”

Two is honestly a higher number than Jesse had been expecting. “I’m assuming one of them is your… crush?" Jesse may have only known Taiga since he accepted him as a roommate, but it feels like longer. He's never mentioned being interested in anyone.

Taiga remains glued to his spot, jittery, and he sighs.

Jesse blinks. “You don’t want to date them?”

“I haven’t slept with him,” Taiga corrects.

Jesse laughs. “Are you being traditional for once?”

“No.” Taiga pouts. He slumps down next to Jesse on the couch. “I wanted to have sex with him, but he doesn’t want to. So we just made out. And then he doesn’t text me, and then he _does_ text me, and he makes me so fucking _mad_.”

“It sounds more like he annoys you than you having a crush on him.”

“He does annoy me!” Taiga throws his hands up in the air. “God, he texted me if we wanted to go out last Saturday, so fine, right? So we went out, we kind of got drunk, and we were making out, and it was so _nice_.” Taiga sighs. “He’s … really good.”

“Gross.” Jesse wrinkles his nose.

“But it doesn't go anywhere, like what am I doing wrong?” Taiga demands. “I implied all night that I wanted him to take me home and you know what he fucking does?" Taiga’s eyes are sharp and angry. "He walks me home and kisses me goodnight.”

Jesse bites his lip. “That sounds … really cute.”

The anger fizzles. “Maybe.” Taiga’s voice is small. “I just … what do I do?” He pulls at his hair. “I don’t know how to deal with gentlemen.”

Jesse looks at Taiga. “It’s only been a few days.”

Taiga smiles wryly. “Yeah, I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll get over it. I just … I never get crushes.” He rubs his chest, like it hurts.

Jesse thinks about his feelings for Kouchi, how it’s a welcome, fuzzy feeling that hurts at the same time. Maybe that’s what Taiga’s feeling, too.

Only, Jesse is pretty much sure about his feelings, and he genuinely hopes that Kouchi feels the same way, if he’s reading the signs right.

Funnily enough, his video game console rarely gets touched during the summer. Jesse is almost always out, sometimes with his other classmates who didn’t have anything to do during the summer break, but mostly with Kouchi.

The second date—almost half a day spent in an arcade and then dinner afterward—went smoothly, and so did the third and fourth. Then, they invite each over to do random stuff, like watch TV in Jesse’s place or just lounge around in the common room of Kouchi’s dorm.

It’s in the past few weeks that give Jesse something to think about—that he wants more than just dates. He wants to hold Kouchi’s hand, kiss him, be by his side for as long as the older one wants.

So, as he scans the website of the city’s upcoming fireworks festival, he resolves to do it—ask Kouchi to be his boyfriend.

They meet in a nearby park, both of them wearing their yukatas. “You look great,” is the first thing Jesse says as he stands up from the bench, hand clasping the plastic bag full of food he bought in the nearby convenience store.

Kouchi smiles, his cheeks into a light shade of pink. “Thank you,” he answers. “You, too.”

“Let’s go?”

A crowd is already starting to form in one of the parks where they can view the fireworks festival. It’s too stifling and a little annoying to be pushed around in various directions. Jesse’s lucky he’s tall enough so he could put a foot forward, though he can’t say the same for Kouchi.

So he does what any other reasonable person (in love) would do. He takes Kouchi’s hand and pulls him, making sure that the older one doesn’t get lost in the crowd.

He’s slightly scared to look over his shoulder and see Kouchi’s reaction. But if it’s any good sign, at least Kouchi hasn’t let go of his hand. He only grips tighter.

When they reach an empty spot in the park, Jesse is all but reluctant to let go of Kouchi’s hand. Still, they have to set up their spot. So Kouchi takes out the blanket from his bag and sets it down the ground while Jesse takes out their dinner.

They sit down, maybe a little too close because their shoulders touch, but Kouchi doesn’t move away, and neither does Jesse. It doesn’t help the frantic beating of his heart, but he’ll take it.

Eventually, night settles, and it’s almost time for the fireworks festival. Music plays throughout the park until something bursts into color in the sky above them, sending gasps of awe all over the park. Some people stand up to take photos and videos, while others remain in their seats, content with looking at the sky above them.

Neither of them move, their gazes up at the sky. Jesse, though, can’t resist looking at Kouchi, whose eyes are still fixated at the fireworks. His eyes are wide with awe, and it causes Jesse’s heart to swell.

Kouchi had mentioned that no one would give him a second look, but Jesse can’t stop looking at him.

And Kouchi has to know.

Taking a deep breath, Jesse reaches for Kouchi’s hand settled next to his. Kouchi breaks his gaze from the sky and turns to look at him in confusion, but he doesn’t let go. Heart hammering frantically, Jesse inches his face closer until he could feel Kouchi’s shuddering breath.

“Can I?” he asks.

Kouchi closes his eyes and nods. Jesse’s heart leaps as he closes the distance between them.

The sounds of the fireworks and the people around them fade as Jesse focuses only on Kouchi—his lips that taste like sweet soda, his hands on Jesse’s shoulder as if he needs something to hold onto for dear life. Jesse’s hands find their way on Kouchi’s waist, making sure the older one doesn’t fall. Not now, not ever.

He leans his forehead against Kouchi’s when they pull away for air. Kouchi’s cheeks are pink, but he’s smiling, eyes disappearing into crinkles, and it makes Jesse’s heart full.

“That okay?” Jesse asks.

Kouchi nods.

A deep breath. “Be mine?”

Kouchi’s smile widens. “Yes.” This time, he’s the one who leans forward, and Jesse is more than willing to meet him halfway.


	3. Stage 3: Honeymoon

For Jesse, being in a relationship isn’t entirely new territory. But it’s been a while since his last relationship, so being with Kouchi feels like he’s bungee-jumping from a high summit—terrifying yet exhilarating.

Kouchi is new to this whole relationship thing, and he would hesitate in a lot of things. But that’s okay because they’re still learning about them, what they like and don’t like as a couple.

For one, he learns that Kouchi is not one for PDA. He had grown comfortable holding hands in public but still tenses up when Jesse sneaks a kiss when he’s caught off guard.

For someone who’s openly affectionate like Jesse, it takes some getting used to. At least, when they’re in the comfort of their homes, they can’t keep their hands off each other. They haven’t gone far, yet, and Jesse’s not in a hurry to ask more from Kouchi other than sweet pecks and hugs. At least, until Kouchi’s ready.

Dates, kisses, and cuddles are enough for now.

It’s toward the end of the summer vacation when Jesse invites Kouchi to sleep over at his place. He must admit that it’s getting lonely being by himself at home, and Juri and Taiga won’t be going home until winter semester registration, which is in two weeks.

“You’re gonna be busier than ever,” Jesse says with a pout as he lets Kouchi in the house. “It’s your last semester, and you’ll be graduating.”

“It is, huh …” Kouchi says pensively as he takes off his shoes. “I can’t believe I’ll be working soon.”

“Already found a job?” They haven’t talked about life after university. Jesse is still in his sophomore year, and although he plans to become a computer engineering specialist someday, he hasn’t ironed out the specifics yet.

“I think so.” Kouchi shrugs off his backpack. “Where do I put this?”

“Just by the couch is fine.”

Kouchi plops his backpack on the couch and sits down. “I’ve been shortlisted to teach in this private school just near campus. So I’ll probably accept that offer if I pass. There’s also the option to teach in a public school near home, but …”

“But …?” Jesse gulps.

The way his boyfriend looks at him is almost shy. “I found a reason to stay, I guess.”

Jesse’s heart swells. He instantly plops on the couch and takes Kouchi’s face in his hands, closing the distance between them. Kouchi hums in response, leaning forward and kissing back.

They’re breathless when they pull away. Jesse grins, tucking his chin on Kouchi’s shoulder. “That was very dramatic,” he comments.

Kouchi chuckles, pulling him close in a hug. “We’re just both hungry.”

“Wanna help me make something for dinner?”

“Definitely.”

As much as he enjoyed having Kouchi over, Jesse’s also glad that Juri and Taiga are back in the house, spoiling him with souvenirs and stories about their vacation. They celebrate when Jesse tells him that he and Kouchi have gotten together, and Juri insists that they meet Kouchi one day.

So before the start of classes, Kouchi is back in the house. Juri, Jesse, and Taiga have prepared a feast (at least, Juri did all the hard work, Jesse helped a bit, and they had to kick Taiga out of the kitchen after he ended up burning the fried chicken).

Then they gather in the living room, drinking beer and chatting. Kouchi is surprised that he and Taiga know a few people on campus. Juri rants about his junior year schedule, and Jesse, well, he’s delighted that his boyfriend and friends are getting along.

“Does he get your seal of approval?” Jesse asks as he helps Juri wash the dishes. Taiga and Kouchi have already retreated upstairs.

Juri grins, rinsing the last of the plates and placing them on the dryer. “Of course,” he says. “Kouchi’s cool. Have him over as much as you can.”

Jesse practically squeals, hugging Juri. His heart is about to burst from the night’s events.

Coming back to school involves a lot of adjustments. Jesse has longer classes, most of them practical ones that include hours in the computer laboratory. Meanwhile, Kouchi’s classes are on the other side of campus, and he’s preoccupied with his final requirements in between job-hunting.

They try to make it work. Sometimes Jesse orders fast food to go and drops by Kouchi before his evening class, and they have dinner in the nearby cafeteria. That, or they’ll meet halfway in the campus café where they spend comfortable silence doing their schoolwork, their ankles crossed under the table.

And, if one of them is having a bad day, they’d go to a nearby restaurant and drink and let off some steam. Or they’d buy convenience store food and beer then stay over their place and just talk nonsense. Sometimes they talk about deep things, too.

“Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be a good enough teacher,” Kouchi says, leaning against Jesse’s shoulder. Beer, Jesse has come to learn, makes Kouchi sleepy.

“You will be,” Jesse assures him, hand resting on Kouchi’s arm. He’s not good with reassurances like Juri is, but he hopes he can comfort his boyfriend in his own way. “I’ve seen you handle all the new members of the club. You’ll be fine.”

Kouchi smiles, his eyes already drooping. “Sorry if I’m dumping all these on you.”

“Don’t be.” Jesse shakes his head, pressing a kiss on the top of Kouchi’s hair. “You talk to me about whatever you want to talk about, and I’ll listen, okay?”

“Okay. You talk to me, too, if something’s bothering you.”

“Deal.”

Kouchi falls asleep afterward, and it’s up to Jesse to carry him to his bed and clean up their mess. He’s staying in Kouchi and Koji’s shared apartment, and Koji still hasn’t come home. (Kouchi mentioned something about some group paper.)

The place is smaller but homey, and Jesse wonders what it would be like to share a space with Kouchi. It would be nice to wake up together, make breakfast together, and cuddle on the couch at the end of the school day.

It’s a little too early to be thinking about it—they’re two months into their relationship, after all—but it’s nice to dream about it anyway.

Just like Jesse with Kouchi, Taiga is also exploring new territory. When he tells Jesse and Juri he has a date, it’s more shocking than anything.

“Are you excited?” Juri asks.

Taiga looks like he’s about to throw up, his expression grim as he paces back and forth the living room, already dressed up. “If I don’t sleep with him tonight, I quit.”

It’s funny; Jesse has known Taiga for almost a couple of years and can’t think of a single time he went on an actual date. He just wasn’t the type. Taiga flourishes in low-commitment relationships, if only that’s where he’s the most comfortable. “Is this the guy from the party?” Jesse asks carefully.

“Yes,” Taiga says, clipped.

Jesse grins. “He texted you back.”

“We talked a lot during the summer,” Taiga says, his cheeks red. “He’s annoying.”

“Mhmm.”

“I hate him.” His hands shake as he stalks to the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water.

Juri, better at handling a panicking Taiga than Jesse will ever be, approaches Taiga and hooks his chin on Taiga’s shoulder as he leans forward against the kitchen counter. “You deserve to have a nice night,” he says. “Let yourself enjoy the company.”

“Sounds terrifying,” Taiga says mildly.

Juri hums. “Maybe it is.”

It’s a casual night. They’ve gone out drinking before, which is Taiga’s territory, but when Taiga says they’re going out for dinner, it’s surprising.

“He wants to spend time with you,” Juri points out.

“I hate that.” Taiga slams the glass on the dryer a little harshly. “I don’t like people who are high maintenance.”

“ _You’re_ high maintenance.”

“Exactly.” Taiga laughs. “Two of us is just too much.”

Jesse thinks about speaking his mind—someone wanting to spend time with you doesn't make them high maintenance—but he knows that Taiga knows that already. Between the two of them, Taiga has always been better at reading people’s intentions. It’s why he’s good at going for what he wants and avoiding the things he doesn’t. Jesse’s always thought that was an admirable trait.

Now, it seems like it’s breaking Taiga up.

“Are we gonna have to be ready when he comes home with you?” Jesse asks instead.

“Don’t bother. If something happens, it’s gonna be in his place.”

“Gotcha.”

The next thing Jesse knows is that it’s December. Taiga had bluntly told them a week before that it was his birthday and he wanted a party, so they dropped their schedules on December 3rd for a small get-together.

Kouchi was already part of their small group and volunteered to help with dinner. He and Jesse were delegated to buy some groceries while Juri gets a head start with the meal prep. Taiga has a thing and won’t be back until early evening.

“I think he went out with that crush of his,” Jesse guesses as he wheels the cart to the vegetable section. “The one I told you about.”

“He could have him come over dinner. I’m sure you guys are curious about him.” Kouchi scans the cabbages on stock and picks one, tossing it to the cart.

Jesse shrugs, trailing after Kouchi. “Taiga’s still struggling with committing to a relationship, though. But who knows?”

They continue their grocery shopping, lightheartedly arguing about buying some sweets until Kouchi caves in. The queue to the cashier is long, and Kouchi, tired of standing too long, leans against Jesse. Jesse chuckles, wrapping his arm around the older one.

“Jesse.”

“Hmm?” Jesse looks down at his boyfriend.

Kouchi looks up and meets his gaze, his cheeks pink. “It’ll be six months soon. Since we became official.”

“Has it?” Jesse didn’t even notice. The queue moves, and Kouchi pulls away so Jesse can push the cart forward. A smile crosses his face as he thinks about that fireworks festival, his toes tingling as he remembers that kiss and the smile on Kouchi’s face, brighter than the fireworks above them. “Time flew so fast, huh?”

“It did.” Kouchi chuckles. “I was thinking we should do something. To celebrate.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Well, a lot of places are booked because it’s Christmas Eve, but …” Kouchi tooks a deep breath. “I found this ryokan nearby, and it still has rooms for that weekend, so … But if you have plans with Taiga and Juri over Christmas, that’s fine, too,” he says quickly.

Last year, he, Juri, and Taiga just did the most Christmas-y things, like watching a winter illumination program, splurging on purchases in Christmas markets, and spending hours queuing for a KFC group meal. They don’t have plans aside from the usual, so it probably wouldn’t hurt if he spent time with Kouchi.

“I’d love to!” Jesse exclaims, a little too loudly that he earns curious stares his way. His face starts to flame up, but it doesn’t deter him from adding, “I’d love to spend the Christmas weekend with you. _And_ our six-month anniversary.”

The embarrassment is worth it when Kouchi beams, as bright as the sun.

He had panicked over it for the next few days, but when the day before Christmas Eve arrives, he’s practically pacing back and forth in excitement. Juri and Taiga watch him in amusement as they have their breakfast in the kitchen.

“Someone is about to get laid on Christmas,” Taiga singsongs, popping a piece of omelet in his mouth.

Jesse’s face is aflame, but he’s never going to admit that he brought, um, supplies, just in case.

(There’s no pressure, anyway. They’ve had that talk one time after a heavy makeout session was about to turn into something more until Kouchi freaked out. They’ll do it when they’re both ready.

(But it never hurts to be prepared.)

Kouchi texts him, telling him he’s waiting outside. When Jesse opens the door, he doesn’t expect Kouchi by the entrance, on a motorcycle.

“Wow,” is all Jesse could say.

His boyfriend grins. “Ready?”

Jesse hadn’t been on a motorcycle before, but it was easy to slip in the passenger’s seat and wrap his arms around Kouchi’s waist. He giggles when Kouchi takes his arms and pulls so that Jesse is practically leaning against his back, and Jesse doesn’t complain one bit. If it were not for the helmet, Jesse would have leaned his head against Kouchi’s back, but he doesn’t mind relishing the wind whipping through his face either.

The ryokan looks a little luxurious for what a university student budget could allow. But then again, he and Kouchi had enough money from their savings to book a one-bedroom Japanese-style room with a scenic outdoor onsen bath. Plus, it has a view of Mt. Fuji, so the splurge is worth it.

Kouchi is already staring out at the view of Mt. Fuji as soon as they set down their bags. Jesse chuckles and wraps his arms around Kouchi from behind. “I’m glad you talked me into this,” he says, tucking his chin on Kouchi’s shoulder.

Kouchi turns his head to peck Jesse on the cheek. “What do you wanna do now?”

They haven’t thought that far. “We could wing it?” he suggests.

“Sounds like a good idea.”

The streets are packed by tourists and locals alike, making the most of the holidays. Jesse holds Kouchi’s hand extra tightly as they weave through the crowds, scanning the buildings and going inside if it’s something that interests them. They end up buying too many souvenirs, stuffing their faces with too much food, and taking lots of photos.

Jesse’s most favorite photo of the day is a selfie of him and Kouchi, the view of Mt. Fuji behind them.

They’re exhausted and surprisingly hungry by the time they return to the ryokan. They end up ordering room service instead of heading to the ryokan’s restaurant, but it’s okay. Kouchi’s cuddled up next to him as they eat traditional Japanese food while drinking beer and watching television.

The exhaustion from walking around the whole day was catching up to them, but Kouchi insisted that they wouldn’t end the day without a dip in the onsen bath. Although, it’s honestly adorable the way Kouchi’s face turns red when Jesse shows up wearing only a towel around his waist.

“T-Too much?” he asks.

Kouchi shakes his head fervently, his face still red. “Just need to get used to it, that’s all.”

He chuckles, relaxing as he steps inside the onsen bath, sighing in relief at the warmth of the water. He scoots next to Kouchi, who eventually relaxes when Jesse wraps an arm around his shoulders.

“So,” Kouchi begins, “six months.”

Jesse hums as he nods. “Pretty fast.”

“I thought you were cute when I first saw you.”

He blinks. “You mean when I bumped into you at club recruitment week?”

Kouchi’s smile is sheepish, his gaze on his toes. “I mean, I thought you were cute. So cute I forgot about how loud your laugh was.”

“It’s my brand.” Jesse pouts, puffing out his chest.

“And now it’s music to my ears.” Kouchi turns red again. “God, that’s too cheesy for me.”

“My influence.”

“Probably.” Kouchi leans up and presses a kiss on Jesse’s cheek. “I love you.”

Jesse’s heart swells. They haven’t said anything about it, though the past six months, he had felt it. And he feels the same. So much.

He must have been silent for a long time because Kouchi looks like he’s about to panic. “H-Hey,” he stutters. “You don’t have to say it back when you’re not ready. I just wanted to say it.”

“Hey, no.” Jesse smiles and shakes his head. He leans forward and kisses Kouchi, quick and soft. “I love you, too, Kouchi.”

Kouchi looks at him so fondly that Jesse thinks his heart is about to burst. “You can call me by my first name, you know.”

A lump gets caught in his throat. “Alright, then … Yugo.”

The way Kouchi smiles is just too much, and the kiss that follows is different from their past ones. Jesse’s blood boils as their kisses deepen, become more hurried like they’re chasing after some high.

Kouchi gasps when Jesse’s hand slides down to the small of his back as if the mere touch had burned him. Without thinking, Jesse slides to Kouchi’s thighs and lifts him until the older one is sitting on his lap.

“Shit,” Kouchi exclaims, clinging to Jesse’s shoulders, and the way Kouchi’s voice sounds … sultry (?) sends warmth pooling in Jesse’s limbs. God, this is hot.

He still has to make sure, though. “This okay?” he asks.

Kouchi gulps and nods, pressing his forehead against Jesse’s. “I’m fine,” he says with a smile. “Better, actually.”

“Should I keep going?”

Another nod. “But maybe somewhere more comfortable.”

Jesse chuckles, kissing Kouchi softly against the lips. “Okay, then.”

It’s a miracle for Jesse, how he manages to get him and Kouchi off the onsen bath and back to their bedroom without any of them slipping. The rest of the night is just as wonderful, Jesse shivering in the air-conditioned room.

But he doesn’t make a move to adjust the temperature. Kouchi’s bare skin against his as they lie beside each other that night pretty much makes up for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters might be delayed because it's finals week for me. Thanks for being patient! <3


	4. Stage 4: Comfortable

“Happy New Year!”

They clink their champagne glasses just as the television screen shows bursts of animated red and white gin tape, the words “Happy New Year!” in large comic-like letters. Jesse hugs Juri and Taiga, then clings to Kouchi extra tightly before they down their drinks.

“I can’t believe another year has passed,” Juri remarks, plopping down the couch.

“I can’t believe I’m graduating this year,” Taiga mumbles, looking horrified.

“Here, here,” Kouchi chuckles, clinking his glass with Taiga’s. “Do you have any plans after graduation?”

Taiga scrunches his nose. “Well, yeah. I’m actually moving to Kyoto after graduation. I promised my parents I’ll help with the family business for a couple of years.”

Jesse shares a look with Kouchi. He knew about Taiga’s family business, but he hadn’t given much thought about what will happen to his house once he moves out. “What about this place?”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll still keep this open for you guys.” Taiga catches Juri giving him a knowing look, and he sighs. “Actually, Juri and I have talked about this …”

He’s starting to get concerned. Taiga and Juri already talked about something and left him out of the picture. “What?”

“Well …” Juri says slowly, setting down his empty champagne glass. “My friends are renting out a three-bedroom apartment near my part-time job, and I’m planning to take it. After the winter semester.”

Taiga interrupts before Jesse could say anything. “Don’t panic. I’m still coming back here from time to time. But we _do_ need one more roommate for you.” He glances at Kouchi. “And I was thinking Kouchi would take up the offer.”

Kouchi blinks. “Me?”

Taiga smiles. “Jesse told me you’re planning to teach in a nearby high school. I thought it would be better to extend the offer to you first before we look for other potential roommates. In case you want to live with Jesse and all.”

There’s no missing the pink tinge on Kouchi’s cheeks. Maybe he had thought about it. Maybe he hasn’t yet. But either way, Jesse doesn’t mind at all. He had thought about what it’s like, after all, and he’s looking forward to it when it happens for real.

“You don’t have to answer now,” Taiga chuckles. “Give some time to think about it, yeah?”

Kouchi shakes his head. “No, I’ve thought about it before. It’s a yes for me.”

He beams just as he meets gazes with Kouchi. His heart swells, and he can’t resist leaning down to kiss his boyfriend while his two friends watch.

It’s going to be an amazing new year. He can feel it.

Classes resume after the New Year holidays, and they get busier than ever. Kouchi is always away, either for final exams or for job preparation. He had been accepted as a teacher in the private school he had dreamt of, and he has been dropping by there for the past few weeks so that he’s ready when the new school term starts.

Taiga and Juri have been out of the house later than usual, too. Juri had just started a new shift in his new job, and he’s been moving his stuff to an apartment he’ll share with his two friends.

On the other hand, Jesse presumes Taiga’s always out for schoolwork. Whenever he comes home early in the morning or late at night, he’s always in the hoodie he always uses whenever he’s out studying with classmates. He doesn’t seem to be going to parties lately, too.

More importantly, Jesse realizes, Taiga hasn’t mentioned The Guy after their date. When Jesse and Juri had asked about it before, Taiga muttered an “It was great” then changed the subject. He did catch Taiga going out, all dressed up in some occasions, but he’s already out the door before Jesse could ask where he’s going.

Maybe it didn’t work out. Or maybe it did but Taiga’s still confused about his feelings. Either way, Jesse wouldn’t know until Taiga says something.

**Yugo <3**

Can we take a rain check on our date?

I just need to revise my final paper

I’m sorry :(

**Jesse**

:(

Where are you rn?

**Yugo**

Study hall

**Jesse**

I can drop by :)

We can have dinner

And you can finish your paper and I won’t disturb you, I promise

**Yugo**

Ok :)

Can you get me some coffee?

And I’m kind of craving for katsudon

**Jesse**

Anything for you <3

He finds Kouchi sitting in the outdoor area of the study hall, papers strewn all over the table that’s usually reserved for students in groups. No one seems to mind, though—he’s not the only one who looks stressed in the study hall anyway.

“Hey.” He makes his way toward Kouchi and kisses the top of Kouchi’s head just as he looks up.

Kouchi smiles, his cheeks pink. “I’m sorry I had to cancel dinner.”

“It’s okay.” Jesse sets down the plastic bag with their food on the free space then takes a seat across Kouchi. “We’ll have many other dates.”

Kouchi’s smile softens before refocusing on whatever he’s typing on his laptop. He then sets it aside. “Dinner first. My brain is fried from all the revisions.”

They chat for a bit as they have dinner, discussing the Outdoor Club’s end-of-the-year party back at Koji’s cabin, moving-in plans, and Kouchi’s birthday plans. Kouchi’s birthday is just a week before graduation, so they’re not planning to go far.

“Maybe it would be nice to just stay here for your birthday,” Jesse suggests.

“You think so?” Kouchi asks, absentmindedly stirring the straw in his coffee cup.

“Yeah. I mean, we have the Outdoor Club trip to look forward to. Maybe staying at home or just strolling somewhere in the city would be nice. Less stress from graduation and moving in.”

Kouchi hums. “I guess you have a point.”

As promised, Jesse is quiet as Kouchi works on his paper. The least he could do was fix the papers strewn on the table and take out the trash. Once done, he figures he should be productive, too, so he takes his textbook out of his backpack and decides to start reviewing for his own upcoming finals.

(He has to admit that he has to thank Kouchi for helping improve his grades. His boyfriend has always been so focused on his studies that it forces Jesse to study hard, too.)

Soon, he hears soft snores, and when he looks up from his book, he sees Kouchi slumped on his table, already asleep.

Jesse chuckles as he stands up, fixing his own belongings before Kouchi’s. He saves Kouchi’s files and shuts down the laptop before stuffing it in his boyfriend’s backpack. Then he tries to shake Kouchi awake.

“Yugo …” he says gently, shaking Kouchi by the shoulders. “Let’s get you back to your place.”

Kouchi slowly sits up, blinking groggily. “But the paper …”

“You can finish it tomorrow. It’s not due until the end of the week, right? Get some rest.”

“Fine.” Kouchi huffs, yawning as he gets up. “Stay the night, though?”

Jesse beams as he takes Kouchi’s bag, then his boyfriend’s hand. “Of course.”

Kouchi wakes up extra early to get a head start on his paper, forcing Jesse to wake up as well. Jesse stays for a bit for breakfast, but he remembers he has to run back home for a fresh change of clothes then attend his morning class, so he reluctantly bids goodbye to his boyfriend.

When he gets home, he doesn’t expect to see someone standing by the gate of their house, staring at his phone. The guy before him is dressed in a white T-shirt and patterned pants. Jesse doesn’t recognize him, so he figures he must be waiting for Taiga or Juri, but apparently, his roommates are either asleep or awake but already left the house.

“Good morning,” he greets as he nears.

The guy looks up, and Jesse’s first thought is that he’s handsome though intimidating. His eyebrows are furrowed, but he smooths out his wrinkles when he sees someone is speaking to him. “Hello,” he greets, a little stiff. “Sorry, am I in your way?”

“Um.” Not really, but Jesse would like to know why he’s here. “It’s okay …” He pauses. “I’m Jesse. Are you here for me, or …?”

“No, I’m not. I’m sorry. I’m Matsumura. Matsumura Hokuto.”

Jesse smiles awkwardly. “Are you friends with Juri? Or Taiga?”

It’s obvious that Hokuto had expected some kind of recognition, but he hides his displeasure well. “Tai—Kyomoto’s. Probably.” He smiles back, blinding and fake. “Do you know where I can find him? I’ve been here a while.”

Jesse blinks. All he knows is that Taiga isn’t supposed to have class today. “He probably left for campus,” he says. “Maybe you should text him?”

The face Hokuto makes is telling. “I’ll text him again, I guess.”

 _Oh, Taiga_. Jesse busies himself with opening the gate. “Do you … want to come in and wait inside? It’s much better than standing here all day.”

Hokuto’s body relaxes, and his smile becomes more genuine. “If it’s not too much of a bother, yes, please.”

He opens the door and gestures for Hokuto to come in. It’s quiet in the living room, the usual silence when he’s home by himself.

“Have a seat.” Jesse gestures toward the couch. “Do you want something to drink?”

But just as Hokuto is about to reply, he hears footsteps. Jesse freezes, his gaze steady at the stairs. He sees feet, then legs, start to appear, and he’s very sure that those don’t belong to Juri.

“Jesse, is that you?” Taiga’s voice. “I haven’t made breakfast yet, so—”

Taiga looks up and freezes, pale skin already gone paler as his wide eyes meet Hokuto’s angry ones. Hokuto had smoothed out his wrinkles and hidden his displeasure, but now he’s angry and he doesn’t bother restraining it.

“I guess that’s the answer I was looking for," Hokuto says eventually, jaw clenched as he stands up. He’s still smiling. “Thank you for your hospitality, Jesse, but I won’t be staying.”

Jesse’s heart breaks. “I—”

Hokuto inclines his head. “It was nice meeting you.” And then he turns on his heels and walks away.

It takes several moments for Jesse to catch his breath. He stands there, by the kitchen, and decides he has no idea what to do. “Taiga.” He turns.

Taiga’s headphones are dangling around his ears, and he looks so overwhelmingly upset, so unlike himself. “Hi, how’s it going?” he asks weakly. He wraps his arms around himself.

“What the fuck was that?” Jesse demands. “Is that The Guy?”

“Maybe,” Taiga mutters.

“Do I need to kill him?”

“No.” Taiga’s voice cracks. “Kill me instead.”

“ _Taiga_.” Jesse takes a deep breath. He doesn’t know why his chest hurts. “What’s going on? I thought you liked him?”

“I _don’t know_.” Taiga’s nails dig deep into his arms. He looks like a mess, hair all over the place. How long had Hokuto had been waiting that Taiga had been so afraid to move at all? “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

“When was the last time you talked to him?”

Taiga’s silence is so loud.

Jesse waits.

“Three weeks, after our most recent date,” Taiga says eventually.

“Did you sleep with him?”

Small. “Yes.”

“Oh, Taiga.” He looks closely and sees the red rims of Taiga’s eyes, the swelling of his face. “You need to talk to him.”

Taiga clenches his teeth. “Not now.”

“Maybe not.” Hokuto probably doesn’t want to be talked to, anyway. “But you’ve already waited a long time.”

“Not now.” Taiga runs a hand through his hair, smooths in down with fluttery hands. “Later, maybe, but not now.” This is the least put together Jesse has ever seen him, more emotionally than anything. A part of his heart says this could be good, in the long run, if he makes it out alive.

“Well.” Jesse looks at the kitchen. “I know it’s nine in the morning, but do you want ice cream?”

Taiga manages a smile. “Fuck yes.”

He hears Taiga muttering “Boys” in between sniffles as he falls on the couch. Jesse had never had that problem for the past few months, but for his friend, maybe just this once.

Days pass, and life goes on. Nursing heartbreak is a challenge when you’re finishing graduation requirements, but for Taiga, it seems like it can be done. But Jesse does catch Taiga often glancing at his phone, as if waiting for someone to text.

“Let him be,” Juri says when Taiga had retreated to bed once. “It’s up to him if he wants to do something about it.”

Jesse sighs and nods. “I feel bad about it, though. Taiga really likes him.”

“Yeah, but taking the leap to an exclusive relationship after being in low-commitment relationships is probably scary for Taiga. He’ll figure it out on his own.” Juri chuckles, patting Jesse on the arm. “We all have other stuff to think about.”

It’s true. It’s graduation in almost a month, not to mention Kouchi’s birthday. Plus, he has his own final exams to worry about. As much as Jesse cares, it’s not up to him to patch things up between Taiga and Hokuto.

So he throws himself in schoolwork, sending off the seniors in the Outdoor Club, and spending time with his friends who are graduating. He surprises Kouchi with a bouquet of flowers when he comes out of his building after finishing his last, final exam, and they go out for dinner together then head to Kouchi’s apartment (Koji had deliberately slept over at his friends’ house for reasons).

Then, his roommates start moving out. They throw a send-off party for Juri, where they also invited his roommates, a fellow junior named Fuma and a budding musician named Shota. Jesse blames it on drinking too much, but he might have cried after seeing Juri off.

Or maybe despite being excited with living with Kouchi, he is going to feel the absence of Juri and Taiga. No more going home to see Juri preparing dinner or hearing Taiga sing in the hallways. No more Saturday drinking and movie nights where they would argue about which movie to watch until they eventually pick a movie by rock-paper-scissors.

“I’ll try to visit often,” Juri says, patting Jesse’s back soothingly.

Taiga hums in agreement. “And I’m here at least twice a month. It’ll be like I wasn’t gone.”

It’s not the end of the world. They’re just growing up, Jesse supposes, even if it has to be the hard way.

If it’s any consolation, at least Kouchi is there by his side.

All of Kouchi’s belongings are securely packed in only a couple of boxes by the time Jesse arrives. “Just these?” he asks as he picks one up.

Kouchi grins and nods. “I didn’t really bring much,” he admits, picking up the remaining box on the floor.

(And besides, Kouchi has been bringing some of his stuff in the house every time he visits, so there’s not much to bring anymore. Which is a good thing.)

“Leaving already?” Koji looks up from where he’s sitting on the couch.

“Yup.”

Koji stands up and hugs Kouchi, almost clingy. “If Jesse hurts you, you’re always free to crash here.”

“Hey!” Jesse exclaims, though he’s not offended the least bit.

Fortunately, the walk from Kouchi’s previous apartment to Taiga’s house isn’t that far because Jesse’s arms are starting to strain. Kouchi laughs at him as he tries to open the gate, then the front door, with only one hand.

“Hello, bitch!” Jesse greets when he opens the front door with the sole of his shoe. “Yugo and I are home!”

The way he greets is out of place, maybe, considering the tension in the room is thicker than blood.

“Hello,” Hokuto says delicately.

Taiga and Hokuto are sitting on the couch. Hokuto’s legs are stretched out while Taiga is curled in on himself, arms wrapped around his knees. Hokuto’s backpack is on the floor beside him, and the space between the two men is so small but somehow overwhelming. Their arms touch, but they both look tired.

That’s the tension, more than anything. It isn’t sensual nor electric—just tired.

Jesse takes a deep breath and holds it, trying to control his embarrassment long enough to take his shoes off and step inside to let Kouchi in, too. Taiga looks halfway between crying and laughing. It’s a bad sign, or a good one. Or.

At least Kouchi looks apologetic as they set the boxes on the kitchen island.

It’s Hokuto that saves them all. “I should go, I think.” He gets up, shoulders stiff as he picks up his bag. “Sorry to intrude.” He bows slightly, and Taiga’s hand reaches out for a moment to touch his arm, butterfly light. Hokuto doesn’t even feel it.

“Oh, um.” Jesse swallows. “Don’t be. Sorry, I mean.”

Hokuto gives him a small smile before heading out the door.

The sigh that leaves Taiga’s body is loud, heavy, almost wistful. “See you around.”

“Sure,” Hokuto says, another small smile. It’s tight around the corners, but it’s somehow still genuine. “Thank you. Goodbye.”

He’s gone.

“What was that?” Jesse hisses, raw with panic.

“Um,” Kouchi says at the same time, grabbing one of the boxes. “I’m gonna start with the unpacking.” Then, soft tiptoes up the stairs.

Jesse hovers next to Taiga on the couch, sitting in the same space Hokuto occupied. “Why was he here?”

“Because I texted him,” Taiga says, honest. His knees are still drawn in close, but he leans his head back and lets his legs fall, his body splayed out and limp. “I can’t tell if it’s a good choice.”

“It could have been.” Jesse runs a hand through his hair. “You guys talked it out?”

“Mm.” Taiga nods.

Jesse looks at him carefully. Taiga’s eyes are focused on the floor, through it, into the underground. “Did you get the answer you wanted?”

Taiga licks his lips. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I’m not sure I know what answer I wanted in the first place.”

“You don’t have to know what you want right now,” Jesse says, focused on the carpet, because Taiga hates it when people see him cry.

“Maybe not.” Taiga takes a deep breath. “Hokuto knows what he wants, though. I kind of hate him for that.” He laughs.

Jesse bites the inside of his cheek. “Are you gonna see him again?”

The silence is telling, but Taiga still speaks. “No,” he says eventually. His hands run over his face. “I don’t think so.”

He has no qualms curling into Taiga like a puzzle piece. “That’s okay.”

“Yeah.” Taiga leans his head against Jesse’s hair. “It is.” A small smile. It matches Hokuto’s—tight and genuine.

Spring usually brings a kind of peace in Jesse, but this time, it’s a mix of emotions. He’s standing at the back of the university auditorium, a bouquet of flowers in hand. Beside him, Juri is holding a camera, clicking the shutter button, then checking the photo before adjusting the settings.

“I can’t believe it’s finally happening,” Jesse remarks with a pout. He has nothing else to say as they wait for the graduation ceremonies to start. “Then soon, it’s gonna be _your_ graduation.”

Juri sets down the camera and grins. “And then all of us will be attending to _your_ graduation.”

It’s still two years away. A lot could happen, but Jesse sure hopes that nothing changes. Not with Juri or Taiga, even if they’re not rooming with him anymore.

Especially not with Kouchi.

He grins. “I’m counting on you guys for that.”

Soon, it starts. He might have embarrassed Taiga and Kouchi when he stands up to cheer for them, though he’s not the only one who did that. Still, he doesn’t miss the way Kouchi mouths “Thank you” before he descends the stage after receiving his diploma.

He and Juri wait for Taiga and Kouchi, who had to take photos with friends and family. Kouchi ends up dragging him to meet his parents, who seem to like him instantly. Jesse can’t resist laughing when Kouchi whines in embarrassment when his parents take too many photos of them.

“You should join us for lunch, Jesse,” Kouchi’s father says. “We’d love to get to know you.”

His grip tightens on Kouchi’s hand, but his heart skips. This is the kind of change he wants. “Sure. I’d love to.”

The last of the boxes are hauled inside the moving van’s truck, and Jesse and Kouchi watches as Taiga signs the last of the papers from another staff. Next to the truck is a red car, one of the Kyomoto family’s hired help on the wheel.

“He’ll be back next week.” Kouchi squeezes his hand.

“I know.” Jesse nods. But it’s going to be a huge adjustment. He’s still trying to get used to Juri’s absence, and now …

“Well.” Taiga turns to them, looking teary-eyed himself. “I’ll see you next week. You two have fun, alright?”

Jesse sniffs as he pulls Taiga to a hug. “You, too.” He buries his face on Taiga’s shoulder before the older one lets go to hug Kouchi.

They didn’t go inside until the red car disappears from their sight. When Jesse enters, the silence is a little stifling, but Kouchi’s hand on his helps him breathe.

“Well,” Kouchi speaks up. “It’s just the two of us.”

Just the two of them. It’s almost a year since Kouchi came into his life, and he can’t believe that they have come so far. He may not get used to Juri and Taiga’s absence just yet, but at least he can get used to this, living with Kouchi.

“Hey.” He must have been quiet for quite some time because Kouchi pulls him into a hug. “I’m here.”

Jesse has Kouchi. That much he knows, and takes comfort in. He pulls Kouchi tighter. “Thank you.”

He doesn’t know how long they’ve been standing there, but eventually an idea hits him, and his hands slide down to Kouchi’s waist before settling in his belt buckle. “You know,” he says with a chuckle, “since now we’re alone and all …”

Kouchi pulls away, an equally mischievous glint in his eyes. “I could use some relaxing before I start work next week.”

Jesse laughs before leaning in.


	5. Stage 5: Tolerance

After minutes of searching, they find the perfect space—not too far from the stage where performances are held, and not too far from the exit. There are also a couple of food booths close to them just in case they want to eat something else, although the spread they brought in their picnic basket is enough to make them full.

The heat is stifling this time around, though. Jesse’s already wearing a _yukata_ , but sweat is starting to cling to his skin even if he furiously fans himself.

Kouchi hands him a bottle of water. For some reason, he looks like he isn’t under stifling heat. “You okay?” he asks.

“I will be.” Jesse gratefully accepts the bottle and takes a refreshing gulp.

“We didn’t have to go, you know. Noel offered us tickets to watch above the Tokyo Skytree. At least there’s air-conditioning there.”

Jesse shakes his head and sets down the bottle between them. “It’s okay. This place is special, especially on this day.”

It’s been a year since they have gotten together in this same place. A lot has happened since then—Juri and Taiga moving out, Kouchi starting work, and Jesse starting junior year.

He and Kouchi have been living together for almost four months now, and sure, it wasn’t a walk in the park. They’ve had shares of arguments and misunderstandings. Sometimes they can’t keep their hands off each other, but there are times when they’d rather not see each other’s faces. But they try to make it work.

And Jesse can successfully conclude that he’s happy with Kouchi, and he’s confident that he and Kouchi can make it in the long run.

“Someone’s in deep thought.” A finger pokes his cheek.

Jesse pouts. “You told me I should try to think things through more often,” he points out.

“I did.” Kouchi chuckles, kissing Jesse on the cheek.

Soon, the fireworks festival starts, and everyone is looking up as fireworks color the night sky. Jesse pulls Kouchi up as they take in the sight, colorful and outshining the stars above them.

They meet gazes even as the festivities continue. He can see the fireworks dance in Kouchi’s eyes, and he wants nothing more than to lean close to enjoy the view.

So he does, pressing their foreheads together, his hand on Yugo’s cheek. “Happy anniversary, Yugo,” he says.

“Happy anniversary, Jesse,” Kouchi repeats, tiptoeing for a kiss.

Days tick by, and the next thing Jesse knows, summer has ended. Kouchi returns to work, having been assigned as an assistant homeroom teacher for a section of first years, not to mention an adviser for a club. Jesse begins the next half of his junior year, a year that’s full of more demanding subjects.

Sometimes they don’t see each other in a day, but they try to make their presence known to each other. Jesse wakes up late, but Kouchi makes sure that there’s breakfast on the table and an occasional bento for lunch. Before Kouchi arrives home, Jesse makes sure that he does most of his chores. By the time Jesse is home, Kouchi has prepared dinner, and they drop anything work- or school-related so they can have dinner together, catch up, watch TV, and if they’re up for it, have sex to let out some steam.

It’s a routine they’ve come up with, but sometimes, routines aren’t always followed.

It’s already mid-evening when Jesse returns home from class. Kouchi is sitting by the kitchen counter, a couple of paper bags on the island. “Did something happen at work and we needed takeout instead of dinner?” he asks, kissing Kouchi on the cheek.

Instead of reciprocating the affection like always, Kouchi just sighs. “There wasn’t enough in the fridge for me to make dinner.”

Then it hits Jesse. “Oh, shit. It’s supposed to be my turn for grocery duty,” he voices out, horrified.

Kouchi looks disappointed.

And typically Jesse would apologize, because he really did forget, but he had had a pretty shitty day in class, too. “Don’t look at me like that.” He sets down his bag next to the takeout bags and opens the fridge. There’s only a couple of eggs and some instant ramen packs, but nothing that would make them full for dinner. “I had a bad day in class and I blew off some steam with friends and I totally forgot.”

Kouchi sighs. “Fine,” he says. “It’s just one time. I had a bad day, too. I’m sorry.”

Jesse relaxes as he holds Kouchi tight. “Do you wanna talk about it?” he asks.

“We can rant over dinner. I ordered katsudon.”

He smiles in the embrace. “Deal.”

To be fair, Kouchi isn’t perfect either. Sure, he’s the more responsible one and can pick up on what Jesse is feeling, but he has his share of faults, too.

“What do you mean, you can’t go with us this Friday?”

Kouchi sets aside his papers—for checking—and sighs. “I have to watch the kids tomorrow night. It’s the school festival on the weekend.”

“But we planned this weeks ago. You know how we rarely meet Taiga and Juri anymore.”

Kouchi sighs. “I know, but I can’t just leave the kids alone on a school night, either. We’re setting up a haunted house, and things might go wrong.”

He’s right, of course. But Jesse knows this isn’t the only reason why Kouchi has taken so many responsibilities despite being only a few months on the job.

“You really shouldn’t have said yes to everything, you know.”

Kouchi’s face scrunches into anger. “That’s not fair of you to say,” he says coldly.

Jesse flinches. Kouchi rarely gets angry—it’s more passive-aggressive rather than bursts of anger. But he can handle an angry Kouchi better than a passive-aggressive Kouchi.

“It’s true, isn’t it?” he retorts. “You can’t say no, and people take advantage of that. You can’t stop ranting about that senior teacher who forced you to be the adviser of a club and now it’s all you care about.”

“Just because it’s my _job_ , Jesse.” Kouchi stands up, the sound of the chair scraping against the floor grating against Jesse’s ears. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Jesse’s blood boils. “Oh, just because you graduated and started earning money means I’m nothing now, huh?”

“That’s not what I’m saying—”

“It _is. Yugo_.” Jesse’s hands close into fists. “Look, I get it. I don’t bring much aside from rent and groceries because you don’t make me. But that doesn’t mean you have to belittle me just because I’m a student. I’m not a child.”

“You sure are acting like one.”

Jesse doesn’t realize it, but there’s a loud bang on the table, and Kouchi winces. When he returns to his sentence, his hand is on the table, a tingling sensation on his palm.

 _Fuck_.

Kouchi closes his eyes and draws in a deep breath, gathering his papers. “I’m going to bed.”

Jesse deflates. Now he feels terrible. “W-What about dinner?”

“I’m not hungry. Go whip up something or order some takeout.” He quickly turns on his heel and heads upstairs.

And whenever they’re arguing, Kouchi would head to his actual room and lock it. He would never sleep next to Jesse.

The hardest part about being mad at each other is that they don’t quite know how to pick up the pieces again.

Jesse would apologize not because it’s his fault but because he didn’t want the argument to drag along. Kouchi would forgive him. They would hug, make out, or maybe even have make-up sex.

But it’s interacting with each other after is what’s difficult. It’s like they’re walking around eggshells, trying to relearn each other’s personalities.

Jesse hates it, but he hates it more when he and Kouchi aren’t on good terms.

“You guys should talk it out.”

Juri, as always, is the voice of reason. It’s just the two of them this time because Taiga’s out on an out-of-the-country business trip. Not that it stops the two of them from seeing each other.

Jesse sighs as he looks at this half-finished meal. “We try, but it always ends up with yelling or cold shoulders.” He runs a hand through his face. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Juri sighs as well. “You still love him?”

“Of course,” Jesse says without batting an eyelash.

“Then you two will find a way. It’s a matter of trial and error.”

Jesse chuckles at that. “Look at you. Got a boyfriend, and suddenly you’re a relationship expert.”

(Juri had gotten together with Shota a couple of months ago. It’s a little too sudden, but with the way Juri’s eyes shine whenever he’s with Shota, Jesse knows the feeling.)

Juri grins sheepishly. “We’re still in the honeymoon stage, though. Once we get over that, it’s gonna be tough, I think, but I really wanna make this work.”

Jesse had thought of the same thing before. He promised on their first anniversary that he wants to make this relationship with Kouchi last in the long run. And he still wants to, but he supposes he has to try harder.

It’s been a while since he had been in a high school festival, and he feels old, standing amongst students as they explore different booths in the school quad. Someone hands him a flyer, another offers him a drink, and Jesse takes it all in, missing being young and less pressured.

“Hey, you.”

He turns around, and his heart skips as he finds himself standing a few feet apart from Kouchi. He’s wearing his usual suit, and a stack of flyers are tucked under his arm. “This looks familiar,” he remarks.

Kouchi grins. “At least you didn’t run into me.”

“Hey, I fell for you. Literally and figuratively.”

Kouchi’s laugh remains music to his ears. He’s glad that hasn’t changed.

His boyfriend tours him around the school, showing him the faculty room before eventually taking him to his advisory class. There’s a long line leading to the classroom, the walls leading to it sputtered with blood and warning signs.

The girl manning the line, dressed as a vampire, looks cheery as he greets Kouchi and Jesse. “Sensei, is that your boyfriend?” she asks.

Kouchi beams as he squeezes Jesse’s hand. “Yup.”

“Would you like to go inside the haunted house? Kouchi-sensei really helped us in setting this up.”

Jesse hates haunted houses and scary things in general. He had gone once on those test of courage activities back in grade school, and he swore never to do it again.

“Sure!” he says.

He’s still shaking when Kouchi hands him a can of soda. “You could use it,” he chuckles before taking a seat next to him, his other hand holding a can of soda.

They’re on the rooftop, the quietest place on campus. He could hear the laughter and chatter from below the school quad, which is infinitely better than the shrieks of horror he made as he was inside the haunted house.

Jesse pops the can open and takes a sip. “The haunted house was really realistic,” he admits. “That kid in a Sadako costume? I almost peed my pants!”

Kouchi laughs. “Luckily you didn’t because I don’t think we have spare pants for you.”

They sip their soda in silence, just listening to what’s going on at the quad. Music blasts through the speakers, meaning someone could be performing right now. Not that he cares.

“Jesse?”

He looks at Kouchi, who’s looking at him fondly. Kouchi hadn’t looked at him like that in a while, and his heart squeezes. “Yeah?” he asks.

Kouchi smiles. “Thank you for coming today.”

Another squeeze. Jesse smiles back. “You’ve been working hard over this. And I want to support you. In whatever you do.”

Kouchi reaches out a hand to touch Jesse’s cheek. “I love you.”

He hadn’t heard those words in a while, either. His heart flutters. “I love you, too,” he says, before leaning in.

He doesn’t know how long they have been kissing, but he was sure out of breath when they pull away. Kouchi shifts closer, pecking Jesse’s lips a couple more times.

“You really are a screamer, huh,” he comments with a chuckle.

Jesse groans, burying his face on Kouchi’s shoulder. “We’ll see about that when we get home later.”

His arm is sore after Kouchi repeatedly hits it, but he thinks it’s worth it.

“So I’ve been thinking.”

Jesse hums, opening his eyes. Kouchi is using his outstretched arm as a pillow, hand thrown over Jesse’s bare chest. His fond expression sends Jesse’s heart leaping, as always. “Yeah?”

“We haven’t gone out on a date since ever.”

This time, Jesse is awake, the realization hitting him. “We haven’t, have we?” he says.

Kouchi reaches out and takes Jesse’s hands, his wrist chafed after the things they tried last night. He smiles, pressing light kisses on the mark where the rope used to be. “We’ve been so busy these days.”

“Well …” Jesse tries to remember his schedule for the next few weeks. “If you’re not busy, we should go camping somewhere.”

Kouchi’s eyes brighten. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I don’t think we’ve gone out camping since summer.” And Jesse hadn’t been active in the Outdoor Club either.

Kouchi hums. “Next week? That’s after the kids’ exams. I could use a day off, too.”

Warmth spreads across Jesse’s chest. “Okay, then.”

They’re both trying, and Jesse is glad for that.

However, the universe decides to fuck up with them because there was a warning of heavy rains, completely ruining their camping plans that day. They spend the morning stocking up on food and other things they need in case there would be a power outage.

“Maybe next time?” Jesse suggests as he sets up the table while Kouchi finishes making ramen.

Kouchi sighs, though he smiles consolingly at Jesse as he sets the bowls of ramen on the tray. “Staying at home isn’t so bad either.”

“I know.” Jesse takes the tray and presses a kiss on Kouchi’s forehead.

Kouchi is right—staying at home isn’t so bad, especially since they were rarely home together during the day. They catch up on what they have been up to and make plans for the holidays. Kouchi talks more about his students, and Jesse talks more about his classmates and professors.

It’s like before, talking and listening. No judgments. No walls built. No fighting.

Eventually, they settle into the living room to watch a movie. They mindlessly pick the one that’s on the top trending list, just because they’re not in the mood to browse through the selection and debate on which movie might be worth watching.

It’s more of Kouchi’s type of movie, though—some documentary-style film. Jesse tunes out during the first half, preferring to observe his boyfriend instead.

One thing he loves about Kouchi is how he is easily immersed with anything that fascinates him. It can be the movie they’re watching right now or that stack of test papers he always brings home from school. Or how he would take Jesse in, mapping his entire body before proceeding to do his way with him.

He gulps visibly at the thought.

Jesse must have gulped really loudly because Kouchi turns to look at him—

Just when the lights go off.

“Holy shit,” Jesse swears. He had heard that a power outage might be possible, but he didn’t expect it to actually happen.

But Kouchi doesn’t seem to flinch. Instead, from the darkness, Jesse could make out Kouchi’s intense gaze.

This time, his gulp was louder. His hand finds its way to Kouchi’s knee, and he loves how his boyfriend draws in a sharp breath at the mere brush of fingers.

“What do we do now?” Kouchi asks. His voice is deep, sending shivers down Jesse’s back.

Jesse knows very well what he wants right now, but what escapes his mouth is an “Uh.”

Kouchi chuckles, grabbing a fistful of Jesse’s shirt and pulling him forward for a kiss.

They didn’t even notice that the lights are back on, both of them busy chasing each other’s lips and touching each other until they feel like they’re burning. Clothes are discarded, Kouchi sitting on Jesse’s laps as they try to chase each other’s highs.

When it’s all over, Jesse chuckles as they press their foreheads together. “Well, that was better than the movie.”

Kouchi laughs, eyes disappearing into crinkles. “Definitely,” he says, pressing a chaste kiss on Jesse’s lips.

“It looks like things are getting better for you two.”

Taiga’s reunited with them after months of being away either out of town or out of the country on business matters. Finally, he had the time to drop by and meet them, though it’s only for a couple of hours.

Jesse could tell how the stress of co-managing the family business has taken its toll on Taiga. He’s gone thinner now, and the bags under his eyes are bigger than the last time Jesse had seen him. Still, that doesn’t stop people from giving Taiga a second glance as he enters the bar where he, Juri, Jesse, and Kouchi met.

Jesse grins, looking over his shoulder to find Juri and Kouchi chatting with a mutual friend. It seems like it might take a while because the said friend is moving to another country for work. “I was scared we weren’t gonna work things out,” he admits. “But I’m glad we’re trying.”

“I don’t know how you do it.” Taiga chuckles, tucking his chin on his hand. “Having these arguments and trying to work things out after. It scares me.”

Jesse understands that much. “It _is_ scary,” he admits. “Because you’re not sure if things are going to work out in the end. But …” A smile crosses his face. “Some people are just worth taking the plunge for.”

Emotion crosses Taiga’s eyes, and he sighs. “Maybe it is …” he says.

Jesse is about to ask Taiga to elaborate when Juri and Kouchi return to their table.

“Everything okay?” Kouchi asks, slipping his hand in Jesse’s underneath the table.

He smiles, kissing the top of Kouchi’s head. “Never better.”


	6. Stage 6: Downhill

“No, Jesse. Every time I pick, you always use it against me. You’re going to come back someday and tell me that I always tell you what to do. Not anymore.”

Jesse is about to reply, even if he’s not sure what he’s supposed to say when Kouchi slams the door in his face.

He lets out the heaviest sigh he could muster and passes by the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. The cool liquid in his throat helps him calm down, but only somewhat. The photos in the fridge aren’t helping. Beside pictures of his former roommates—Taiga and Juri—are photos of him and Kouchi. Kouchi’s graduation two years ago, their latest camping trip from six months ago, some birthday party of some common friend.

The times when they were not fighting.

The fights are getting more frequent. If it’s not about Jesse forgetting to do the chores, it’s about Kouchi trying to become a people pleaser and taking on different tasks from his seniors at work. Sometimes it’s about Kouchi judging Jesse right away, and other times it’s about Jesse not taking things seriously.

And other times, Jesse can’t even remember what they’re fighting about.

There’s never a day when there’s yelling. And it either ends up with Kouchi sleeping in the other room or sleeping over at Koji’s. Jesse is often left alone, but he usually goes to Juri’s place because the silence is so empty yet deafening.

“Can’t you two talk this through?” Juri had asked one time. He had already prepared a spare mattress in the living room in case Jesse becomes too drunk to return home. “Like, talk seriously and calmly instead of yelling?”

Jesse sniffs, downing what feels like his third can of beer. “We’ve tried that,” he hiccups. It would either end up in more yelling and walls being built higher.

Juri sighs in resignation, sitting beside Jesse on the floor. Their shoulders touch. “I hate to suggest this, but … Have you considered breaking up?”

The drunken haze disappears in Jesse’s brain. “Break up?” he repeats. “Why would I wanna do that?”

His friend shrugs, drinking from his own can of beer. “You two are miserable now,” he says. “That’s far different from last year, when you two looked like the sun shines from each other’s asses.”

“But we make up …”

“And then you fight again. It’s a vicious cycle, and it’s only making the two of you worse instead of better.”

Jesse can’t imagine breaking up with Kouchi. Not when they both promised to try and make their relationship work in the long run.

But, to be honest, Juri has a point. All he feels about Kouchi these days is nothing but contempt. Every time he sees Kouchi, Jesse feels he could do nothing right. And he hates it because he would like a pat on the back from time to time.

“Or maybe breaking up is the last resort,” Juri speaks up after a while. “Why don’t you two separate for a bit and figure out what you both want?”

Jesse can do that. “My classmates _have_ been trying to invite me for a pre-Christmas getaway.”

“Then maybe that’s just what you need.”

He packs his bags and heads with his classmates to Osaka on the last week of November. It’s a welcome feeling, doing things with his friends and not without Kouchi. He feels … freer? Less restrained? More relieved that he’s not going to go through another round of arguments?

(The last time he and Kouchi had gone out was their camping trip that finally pushed through. It was all fun until Jesse realized he forgot to bring the tent, and they end up arguing and staying just for a couple of hours instead of staying overnight.)

He enjoyed staying away from Kouchi so much that he ended up doing it more often. Instead of heading straight home, Jesse would hang out with his classmates in their apartment. If schoolwork gets stressful, they would go out drinking.

Of course, that has become another source of argument between him and Kouchi. Jesse feels terrible about the (deliberately) unread messages and the missed calls, but only for a couple of seconds.

That leads to being nagged as soon as he gets home, and another argument blows up.

“You forgot the groceries. Again.”

“What? I was with friends. We were in a group study.”

“And you never bothered dropping by for groceries on your way home? It’s still eight in the evening, Jesse. You could have made the time. Or, you know, you could have texted me because I had all the time instead of waiting, expecting you to show up.”

“And you expected me to be reliable? You always treat me like a child.”

“That’s because I feel like I’m babysitting a four-year-old instead of living with someone close my age!” Kouchi huffs in resignation as he brings out his phone. “I’m ordering takeout.”

“And you’re gonna choose for me, huh?”

“Just because you can’t make up your mind.”

“And you’re not gonna bother asking me what I want?”

Kouchi huffs, locking his phone. “Jesse, this isn’t always about you,” he mumbles before making his way upstairs. A few seconds later, there’s a loud slamming of the door upstairs.

Jesse runs a hand through his face, breathes in and out to calm himself down. To be fair, it’s his fault for deliberately staying away. And yeah, that might be a childish thing to do.

But he’s beyond caring already. Even if he knows he— _they_ —could still fix this, it’s like he doesn’t want to anymore.

It’s not always a bad day. Jesse relishes those days when he and Kouchi would get along, when they aren’t arguing and they are back to their usual interactions.

Christmas Eve is one of those days. Jesse wakes up extra early to queue for KFC’s holiday meal while Kouchi does some last-minute grocery shopping. They string up decorations in their mini-Christmas tree on the coffee table, and Jesse plays some Christmas songs to get them in the mood.

It’s been a while since he has felt peaceful at home, that they have been affectionate. Having Kouchi’s head on his shoulder feels so unfamiliar at first, but now it feels like coming home.

“I missed this,” Kouchi remarks. The clock had already struck midnight, but they both make no move to get up.

Jesse hums in agreement. His hand moves up to brush Kouchi’s hair. “Remember we spent Christmas weekend at the ryokan last year?”

Kouchi chuckles. “Good times.”

He smiles as he remembers—it was one of the memories with Kouchi that he’d cherish forever.

“What happened to us, Jess?”

A question he had been asking more frequently. He’s relieved to know that he’s not the only one asking. “We took each other for granted?” That’s one answer he had come up with.

“We became selfish, too,” Kouchi sighs. “I became too hard on you.”

“And I tried avoiding my problems and hanging out more with my friends instead of facing the problem directly with you.”

Kouchi’s hand reaches for his. “I hate it. Us fighting.”

“Me, too.”

“What are we gonna do?”

He remembers Juri’s advice, but Jesse knows the answer is something else. “We try to make things better,” he answers. He moves so that he and Kouchi are face to face. He takes both Kouchi’s hands in his. “We … try to be more honest with each other. And we try to work things out.”

Kouchi’s eyes are getting glassy. “Okay. Let’s do that.”

Jesse actually does cry when he pulls Kouchi into an embrace. Miracles do happen on Christmas, he figures.

But it’s a matter of keeping the miracle alive for as long as he can that’s going to matter.

He knows that much, and he’s willing to give it a shot.

The New Year arrives, and Jesse thinks it’s an accomplishment that they’ve kept their promise of talking more openly instead of trying to kill each other.

Then again, the rest of the holidays are spent at home, relaxing from work. They spend more time together, just like the previous summer, either going out or spending time at home.

They’re talking more, as in sitting down and confronting their issues instead of yelling and passively-aggressively avoiding each other.

“I guess I do need to act more maturely,” Jesse admits.

“And I need to stop judging you because of one mistake,” Kouchi chimes in.

Jesse smiles, pulling Kouchi into an embrace. “The New Year is a new start.”

Kouchi nods, returning the embrace. “Happy New Year.”

It’s one thing to make promises, but it’s another thing to keep them.

Once the New Year holidays are over, Jesse returns to school and Kouchi to work. They fall back to their routine, but this time they make sure to have each other’s backs when something comes up.

When they don’t see each other, they send messages. Jesse fills Kouchi in with stories about school and the places where they loved hanging out when Kouchi was still a student. In turn, Kouchi fills him in with stories about the kids and his co-teachers and tells him of his favorite spots in school.

They try to surprise each other from time to time. Jesse drops by Kouchi’s workplace and takes him to dinner. And Kouchi had taken time-off so he can be Jesse’s date for the university festival.

“Looks like you two have kept it together,” Juri comments, momentarily distracted when Shota laughs at a joke that Fuma had cracked.

Kouchi is laughing at whatever joke was told. Jesse loves it, the way he throws his head back, the way he playfully shoves Fuma, until his eyes meet Jesse’s.

Jesse beams, his heart fluttering. “Yeah, we did.”

“What are you doing up so late?”

Kouchi looks over his shoulder from where he’s sitting on the couch. A steaming cup of tea is on his hands. “Couldn’t sleep,” he says apologetically. “You?”

“I woke up and you weren’t there.” Jesse yawns, plopping next to Kouchi. “Everything okay?”

Something flickers in Kouchi’s eyes, but he shakes his head. “I’m not sure.”

Jesse frowns. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.

“It’s …” Kouchi bites his bottom lip. “I’m trying to figure it out for myself first. But, thank you for asking.”

Typically, Jesse would demand, but he knows now that’s not going to encourage Kouchi to open up to him about whatever is bothering him. “Okay,” he says instead. “Do you want a hug?”

Kouchi chuckles, sipping the last of his tea and setting down the cup on the coffee table. “Okay.”

Jesse was once told that his hugs are the best, that it feels like he dedicates all his energy to make sure the person he’s hugging feels loved. So he does that with Kouchi, makes sure he can tell, by this gesture, that he’s there for him.

Kouchi sighs as he buries himself in Jesse’s chest. He then looks up a couple of seconds later, eyes flickering to Jesse’s lips.

Jesse gets the hint and leans in.

Soon, their kiss becomes heated, and their clothes are discarded on the floor. Jesse holds Kouchi likes he’s made of glass but marks him to prove to the world that Kouchi has him and no one else.

They catch their breaths once they reach their climaxes, Jesse struggling to roll over to the side, trying to make some space on the couch while making sure Kouchi doesn’t fall. Kouchi hums, arms wrapping around his waist as he pulls Jesse close.

“We’re okay … right?”

The question catches Jesse off-guard, but his answer is immediate. “Of course, we are.” He kisses the top of Kouchi’s head.

There it is again, the flicker of emotion in Kouchi’s eyes. But the older one kisses the top of Jesse’s shoulder instead. “Okay.”

“And there you go again!”

Jesse throws his hands up in the hair, his blood boiling. “What, are you gonna be critical of everything I do again? Even if I did _every single fucking thing_ you told me to do?”

Kouchi has his arms crossed as if protecting himself. Not that it’s doing him any favors. “Jesse, I’m trying _not_ to be critical. It’s just that sometimes you do things without thinking …”

“See? That’s the problem.”

“Why is that a problem when I’m trying to look out for you here?”

“Then why does it make me feel like you’re trying to be the boss of me?”

Kouchi makes a frustrated sound and turns on his heel.

“Oh, so you’re gonna run away again like you always do?” Jesse sneers. “Fine. I’m heading out for dinner. Don’t wait up for me.” He grabs his backpack and heads out, making sure the slam of the door is loud enough for Kouchi to hear.

He takes out his phone as his feet take him to the city proper, texting Juri and his classmates to see if anyone is available. Juri declines because it’s his date night with Shota, but Hirano is hanging out by himself in a bar and invites Jesse over.

Somehow in between drinks is that a pretty woman slides over to their booth. “What’s gotten you so glum?” she asks.

She’s pretty, and it’s clear that she’s into him. Jesse had been with someone for almost two years he had forgotten what it’s like for someone to be attracted to him.

It feels … nice. It makes Jesse feel … more in control.

“It’s my boyfriend,” he mumbles, taking another swig from his glass of … whatever Hirano had bought him.

“Oh.” She doesn’t seem to be put off by the fact that Jesse is taken. “You two had a fight?”

Jesse nods, pouting. “I can’t even remember what we fought about anymore. We’ve been fighting too often, even when we promised we’d try not to.”

“What are you gonna do now?”

To be honest, there are only two options for them—fight for the relationship or end it altogether. He doesn’t want it to end. But he’s tired of fighting for Kouchi, too. So where does that leave him?

“I don’t know!” Jesse says a little too loudly. “I love Yugo, but I’m tired, you know. Tired of fighting and yelling. Tired of wondering how I’m gonna defend myself if we start fighting again.

“I know I’m not perfect, and Yugo isn’t either.” He hiccups as he takes another sip of his drinks. “You know what? Maybe I am at my limit. Maybe I already know the answer.”

“Uh, Jesse—”

“When I go home, I’m gonna tell Yugo, hey, this isn’t working anymore. Maybe we should—”

“Jesse!” Hirano jumps at the volume of his voice. “Um, you might wanna …”

Hirano looks over his shoulder, causing Jesse to look at the aisle of the bar.

Kouchi is standing by their table, his phone out. From the neon lights, Jesse could see the disappointment—maybe betrayal—in his boyfriend’s expression.

“Yugo, I—”

“I have to go,” Kouchi blurts out. He moves forward and pats Hirano on the shoulder. “Thanks for the head’s up, Sho.”

“O-oh,” Hirano blubbers before looking at Jesse, guilt in his expression. “Um, you’re welcome?”

“Yugo, wait—” Jesse stands up, nudging the girl to move out so he can slide out of the booth and follow Kouchi outside.

It’s a struggle to run, much less walk with the alcohol in his system, and Kouchi is walking too quickly. He doesn’t know how he manages to catch up and put his hand on Kouchi’s shoulder, spinning him around.

Tears streak down Kouchi’s face, and it breaks his heart. “Yugo, I can explain …”

Kouchi shakes his head. “No, you don’t have to.”

“I do. Listen, I—”

Nausea hits Jesse, and he crouches down, feeling like he wants to throw up. He closes his eyes and starts to heave until he finally throws up.

“For god’s sake, Jesse,” Kouchi groans. “Wait here. I’ll go get some water.”

He doesn’t know how long he had been crouching down, but he didn’t puke much and soon, Kouchi is handing him a bottle of water.

“Drink,” Kouchi tells him. “I’m sleeping over at Koji’s. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Jesse finds the energy to stand up and grab Kouchi by the wrist. “Stay,” he says. “Please.” He’s not sure if he’s even asking Kouchi to stay the night or something else. But he just wants Kouchi to stay.

To his surprise, Kouchi nods. “Okay.”


	7. Stage 7: Breaking Up

The next morning, Jesse wakes up to a mouth as dry as cotton and the headache of the century. The space next to him is empty, and images flash in his mind—a dark place with neon lights, and Kouchi’s tear-stricken face.

 _Fuck_. There’s a haze in his mind, but at the same time, there is one clear thought . Dread pools in his stomach, but determination pushes him to get up and grab the glass of water and Aspirin on the bedside table next to him.

His feet feel like lead as he trudges down the stairs. The smell of miso soup takes him to the dining room, and there’s already breakfast for one set up. Someone is humming, and the voice takes him to the kitchen, where he sees Kouchi washing the dishes.

Usually, the sight would take Jesse’s breath away. He would move forward and hug Kouchi from behind, and the older one would spin around so they could share a morning kiss and probably a lazy make-out session.

But this time, Jesse stays put as dread fills his stomach.

Kouchi turns around after setting the plate on the dryer. He turns around and jumps slightly at the sight of Jesse, his eyes wide. “Good morning,” he practically whispers, his shoulders stiff.

Jesse forces a smile. “Good morning.”

“I made breakfast.” Kouchi gestures to the spread on the table. “I already ate, though. I’m just going to stay in the living room. When you’re done, we should … talk.”

“Okay.”

Jesse takes his time as he eats his breakfast, trying to find the right words to say. He had done it before, and he knows it’s difficult, but it doesn’t make things any easier.

By the time he has finished eating and washing the dishes, his mind comes up blank. He’s going to have to wing it.

Kouchi is sitting at the far edge of the couch, and Jesse takes the other end. He leans comfortably against the couch and pulls his legs up to his knees. “So,” he begins.

“So,” Kouchi repeats, avoiding his gaze.

He remembers the autumn break, of Kouchi’s skin against his as they ignore the typhoon and the power outage as they got lost in each other. But then he remembers the fights, the lack of compromise, and last night at the bar.

“I meant it,” Jesse admits. “But I screwed up when I told it to others first and not you. And I’m sorry.”

He can’t look at Kouchi. Jesse doesn’t think he can bear it. Even when Kouchi doesn’t speak for a while, he keeps his gaze on his knees. He waits. It’s the least he can do now.

“I’ve thought about it for some time, too,” Kouchi replies, finally. “Maybe after the New Year? I just …” He takes a deep, shaky breath. “I tried, Jesse, I really did, but I’m tired already. If we keep on going, we might end up hurting each other more.”

Jesse knows that feeling. He had denied it for some time, but he knows he feels the same. They _both_ have been trying, but it’s either they weren’t trying hard enough, or they gave up altogether. There’s bound to be burnout, after all.

“I talked to Koji before,” Kouchi says. “He said I could move back to his apartment.”

Jesse nods. He had expected it, but it still dealt a punch to the gut. “That’s good.”

“You’re going to have to look for another roommate, though.”

He nods again. It wouldn’t be a problem. His classmate, Reia, has been searching for places to stay, so Jesse would probably offer. If not, Taiga and Juri might know other friends.

Thick silence. Jesse counts the number of times the clock has ticked before someone speaks up again.

One-hundred ticks later. “I’m sorry,” Jesse says. “For being a sucky boyfriend.”

Seven ticks of the clock, and the weight of the couch shifts toward Jesse. When he looks, Kouchi is smiling at him. The same fond one that Jesse used to look forward to seeing. But now, it doesn’t stir the same emotion in him anymore. Just the feelings that the memories bring to him linger.

“Don’t say that.” Kouchi reaches for his hand. “Jesse, you’re not perfect. We _both_ aren’t.” He blinks rapidly. “But you’re my first boyfriend and you gave me a lot of things I’ll never forget.”

“You did, too.” Jesse manages a smile as he squeezes Kouchi’s hand.

The way Kouchi rubs his thumb on the patch of skin next to his thumb tickles. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, too.”

Jesse had expected his breakup with Kouchi to be dramatic—more yelling, a lot of crying, maybe a few things thrown at each other. It’s weird to be holding each other’s hands and smiling, remembering the times when they were still together.

Not that he’s complaining.

Maybe he’s going to cry about this later, or once he feels the emptiness of the house. But he’ll cherish the last few moments he’ll have with Kouchi before he leaves.

Kouchi moves out that Friday. Koji helps him bring the boxes to his car, though Jesse helps, too.

By the time Jesse has finished helping Koji with the boxes, Kouchi is still inside. “Guess I better go check on him,” Jesse announces.

Koji nods. His smile is sympathetic. “Hey, you guys will be okay,” he says.

Jesse hopes they will be. They both can’t commit to being “just friends” at the moment, but who knows in the future? Maybe they can be in the same room without remembering the fights, the beautiful memories they shared, and what could have been if they were still together.

So he nods and smiles back. “I know.”

When he returns inside, he finds Kouchi standing outside his room. It’s now empty, save for the bed and the desk, and the lights are off. Kouchi looks at the empty space, not moving a single inch.

“Hey,” Jesse speaks up.

Kouchi jumps and looks at him, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry. I didn’t realize I’ll miss this place as much as I should.”

Jesse wants to offer that he could always visit, but it’s probably not the right time. He doesn’t even know if he’ll want Kouchi back here. “Koji-senpai’s waiting for you,” he says instead.

“Okay.” Kouchi sighs and faces him, taking a step forward until there’s almost a foot’s worth of space between them. “Study hard, okay?”

Jesse chuckles, eventually laughing a bit loudly when Kouchi pouts. “That sounds like a very Mom thing to say.”

“Shut up.” Kouchi laughs, too, shoving Jesse’s arm.

They have a good laugh until Jesse, by instinct, steps forward to wrap his arms around Kouchi. The older one stiffens but eventually relaxes.

“Thank you,” he says. _For loving me, for giving me a chance,_ he supplies in his brain because he’s scared of saying it out loud.

Kouchi doesn’t reply, but he grips Jesse tightly and holds on to him for a couple more seconds until the honking of Koji’s car takes them back to reality.

As expected, the emotions pour out when Kouchi and Koji drive off. Jesse looks into what was Kouchi’s room and feels a gaping hole inside his chest.

He cries when Taiga and Juri arrive. Juri had just left work and Taiga rescheduled all business commitments just for him.

“You didn’t have to,” Jesse mumbles as Taiga tackles him in a hug.

“Hush, I _want_ to.” Taiga reaches his hands up and pats Jesse’s cheeks. “My tall baby needs consolation. The meeting with the team can wait.”

“You’re the best.” Jesse sniffs.

It feels like he’s back in sophomore year, with him, Taiga, and Juri lounging in the living room, having drinks after an incredibly stressful day in school. What he loves about his friends is that they don’t shower him with assurances that everything is going to be okay, that he’ll find someone else. They just sit there and listen to Jesse ramble on—whether it’s missing Kouchi or picking on Kouchi’s mistakes or remembering the times he had spent with Kouchi.

(They did snatch his phone away from him when he tried drunk-texting Kouchi, and for that, he’s grateful.)

They sleep on the living room floor, Jesse squeezed between Taiga and Juri. For the first time in days, he doesn’t dream of that spring day, of papers flying all over the quad, and of the cute smile that he would never forget.

Jesse throws himself into schoolwork, focusing on his remaining requirements before the academic year ends. He hangs out with his friends and meets new ones. He becomes active in the Outdoor Club again, bringing Hirano with him, and he becomes a senior buddy, guiding new members on their first camping trip.

By some strange twist of fate, he runs into Hokuto one day. The cafeteria is full, and the chair across Hokuto’s is vacant. Hokuto recognizes him and manages a smile before allowing him to take the empty seat.

Hokuto is quiet, and Jesse doesn’t offer any conversation. Jesse focuses on his meal while Hokuto munches on his onigiri while flipping through his textbook.

Jesse does wonder what it would have been like if Hokuto and Taiga had officially gotten together. He doesn’t know Hokuto, but maybe he would have if Taiga brought him home before. He and Juri would have been annoying roommates, cross-examining Hokuto before offering him a drink, perhaps a round of video games.

He wonders if Taiga had wondered what could have happened if he had been braver. Or maybe …

“Hey, Matsumura?”

Hokuto looks up, closing his book. “Yes?”

“I know this is none of my business, but …” Jesse sets down his chopsticks. “Have you ever wished you fought harder to be with Taiga?”

A flash of emotion crosses Hokuto’s face, and Jesse immediately regrets it. It has been almost two years, after all. There was no need for Jesse to dig up emotions that Hokuto had likely already buried.

To his surprise, Hokuto nods. “Yes. Sometimes I wish I fought harder.”

“Why didn’t you?”

Hokuto shrugs. “Because maybe it’s for the best. Maybe because I can’t force Tai … Kyomoto to love me if he’s scared of staying the night. Or scared of holding my hand in public. Or saying the three words I want to hear.” He sighs. “Maybe someone else will encourage him to be brave. Or maybe it will be us in the future. But right now, it’s not me.” Another sigh. “But the fact of the matter is, you’ll never forget your first love.”

 _First love._ Jesse has had past relationships before, but he’s very sure Kouchi is the first person he had ever loved. Being with Kouchi gave him a share of many firsts, and he’s never going to forget it.

Maybe in the future, it will be them. Maybe it won’t. Either way, Jesse will think about being with Kouchi and feel a dull ache in his chest, but he was told it’s okay.

So he lets himself believe that from time to time.

As the old cliché goes, time heals all wounds.

Eventually, Juri graduates. Along with Juri’s family, Jesse and Taiga are there to scream loudly to embarrass him as he goes on stage to get his diploma. Juri introduces them to his family, and they spend the early evening having dinner in a fancy restaurant.

Fate must enjoy playing with them. Or, at least, with Taiga. The older one of them excuses himself and walks briskly to the other side of the restaurant, to where some new graduates from their university are hanging out.

A close look shows that Taiga is approaching Hokuto.

“Think there’s another chance for them?” Juri asks.

Taiga’s back is turned to them, but Jesse catches the way Hokuto’s face brightens. “Yeah. I think so.”

Jesse’s graduation follows soon after. He moves out of Taiga’s house to move into one of the apartment units near his workplace. Work as a newbie is tough, but he has supportive seniors who treat him to dinner and drinks afterward and guide him when he fucks up.

He still tries to hang out with Juri and Taiga whenever he can. Juri has been promoted at his work and is now a manager. Taiga was allowed to do whatever following his excellent management of the business, so now he’s taking it easy, making art and traveling.

Taiga had mustered the courage, and it paid off. He often visits the city, partly for Hokuto, partly for Jesse and Juri.

Dating is the last thing on Jesse’s mind. Work is challenging but fun, and his workmates are fun to get along with. Maybe someday he’ll find it in himself to go out with someone, but he’s enjoying what he has right now.

It was when he’s celebrating his first anniversary at work with his workmates that he sees Kouchi again.

He had bid his workmates goodbye as they go on their separate ways. The air is cool, and Jesse is tempted to stroll around for a bit before going home.

“Jesse?”

He turns around, staring into familiar eyes. “Yu—Kouchi?” he asks, just to make sure.

Kouchi Yugo is standing outside one of the jewelry stores near the restaurant he had just left. His hair is a lot longer now, but the familiar smile remains, though it doesn’t bring butterflies to his stomach anymore.

“Hey.” It’s Kouchi who approaches him, hands in his pockets. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Jesse grins. “Me either. But yeah. I work and live nearby. You?”

“Just here over the weekend. My boyf—fiancé lives a couple of blocks away.”

 _Fiancé._ Jesse had expected this—that one day they would find someone else. Jesse glances down and sees the ring on Kouchi’s finger. A part of him wonders what it would be like if _he_ were the one who had asked Kouchi to be his forever.

The question doesn’t stir something in him anymore.

“Speaking of which,” Kouchi says just as his phone beeps. “He’s looking for me. I’ll see you around?”

Maybe they will see each other around. Jesse has had Kouchi’s number deleted from his phone a long time ago, so he’s not sure how they’ll see each other again. But Jesse holds on to that promise. “Sure,” he says with a smile. “Congratulations. On the engagement.”

Kouchi’s smile widens as he waves and walks in the other direction.

Jesse doesn’t know how long he has stayed in place. He vaguely remembers that spring day when he bumped into Kouchi, the day that his feelings sprung. Now, it feels like a far-off memory.

Back then, they were strangers, about to start into something more.

But now, they’re strangers again.

Jesse sighs before turning to the other direction, heading for home. Above him, the stars shine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that officially brings an end to this fic! Thank you to everyone who read, commented, and live read! The feedback means so much to me! 💖
> 
> YugoJe’s gonna have a happier ending in a new fic (in a different AU), so please look forward to it! 
> 
> Also to _you_ , you might not be reading this, but you’ve held a special place in my heart for the past years. This is probably the last fic I’ll write inspired about you. Congrats on your engagement.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to yell at me, you may do so at [Twitter](https://twitter.com/narinarinori/) and/or [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.qa/narinarinori).


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